Camp Happy Face
by LolliliciousLolly
Summary: Camp Happy Face: Place of fun, friendship and sex I MEAN, place of the delinquents. Suze and Paul's 18th17th summer. Away from normality, civilization, and Jesse. Oh, dear. [Temporarily discontinued...sob.]
1. Chapter One

**Lolly: So, my fellow fellas. Emily and Lolly here, reporting for duty. This is going to be a Tennis-styled story, with the alternate Paul/Suze POVs. Pure roleplay, as is Tennis. So that's not, you know, a copyrighted idea or anything, that format. So yeah. Love ya.**

**Enjoy.**

**- 8 -**

Camp Happy Face.

Could one of you gentle readers please shoot me in the back of my fucking head.

No, really. Who CALLS a camp that? I mean, besides someone who's a little too addicted to their bong? You just - DON'T call a camp that. It's - you just DON'T, okay?

Well, guess where I was?

About to get on a STINKING little yellow bus to go and get my FACE all HAPPY at a CAMP.

HAHAHA. THE FREAKING THRILL OF MY FREAKING LIFE.

God, kill me repeatedly, I BEG you.

Nup. There I was, sitting with my huge camping bag, having been dropped off by Jake.

I, Susannah Simon, mature sixteen year old, and ALMOST seventeen year old (in two months) was being sent to CAMP HAPPY FACE.

And it wasn't even the cool Evolution three-eyed smilie face!

GOD DAMN IT.

This was, according to Father Dom, (whom I THOUGHT was a holy kinda guy until the sad, sad day when he informed me about this wonderful, spirited campsite . . . ugh . . . ) a camp for delinquents. People who couldn't control their temper. Kids who were a little on the . . . physical side? Teens who had a tendency to swear too much? Be disobedient? What not?

So yup. Us DELINQUENTS from the Salinas area were going to go get HAPPY.

. . . No drugs allowed, damn it.

No, I'm not a pot-head. But - far out, if ANYONE made me sing Kumbaya, I would kill all of the campers so brutally that I'd put Freddy frigging Kruger to shame.

Yeah . . . to sum up - I was pretty pissed off.

I mean, Father Dom had barely stood up for me against Sister Ernestine. What happened in Sr. Frances' classroom was SO not my fault. I mean, yeah, angry ghostly guy, wanting revenge on the living . . . blah blah, average day for me, right?

Yeah, try that in front of a class of thirty un-mediatory peeps, and you look like a self-harming loony, wrestling some invisible force out of a window.

And my excuse was, 'Oh. Kelly called me fat. I got mad. I'll be quiet now.'

THANKS, Father Dom, for not defending my ALLEGED ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES.

You're gonna BURN IN HELL. And Satan will make you his BUTT MONKEY!

I probably would have appreciated this open air more if I hadn't been sitting, waiting for the rest of my stupid fellow campers to arrive to I could actually board the bus. One of the camp coordinators, who introduced herself to me as - get this - Miffy, refused to let me on the bus without supervision.

Damn. I was SO looking forward to carving I 3 JDS on the bus seat. RUIN my day, much?

I didn't belong here. This was total crap . . .

DAMN Jake for bringing me, oh, I don't know, HALF AN HOUR EARLY?

Then . . . a car came trickling from up the hill. I saw it in between the trees. It was red. And kinda crappy. As it came closer, it started to slow down. It screeched to a stop in front of the bus. Bored, I watched as some nervy looking woman hopped out of the driver's seat, tittering and looking anxious.

Then, this huge, beefy Marilyn Manson crossed with Drag Queen crossed with Gene Simmons from Kiss wannabe hopped out of the other side, glaring at anything and everything.

'Okay,' the woman said to him. 'Be a good boy, Leo. Remember what Dr. Schezario said . . . count to ten, don't get mad - and please, don't give any of the little boys wedgies anymore - '

'Screw you,' said the guy.

The woman sighed in despair, looked at MIFFY in a total well-he's-your-problem-for-twelve-weeks-now, got back in her car, and drove away, leaving 'Leo' with his camp gear, glaring at me and Miffy in turn.

. . . I'll ask again . . .

WHY ME, DAMN IT?

'_It'll do you good, Susannah . . . I know that you're not at the extreme of needing this type of . . . discipline . . . but you are rather . . . violent when you choose to be,'_ Father Dom had said cautiously. _'So maybe Sister Ernestine's insistence that you attend is not completely an outrageous suggestion. You may learn valuable lessons about handling ghosts, as well as people.'_

HAH. YEAH RIGHT.

Within the next fifteen minutes, enough scary looking people had showed up that Miffy finally let us all on the bus. I went to sit up the back. So far, there were only three girls including me. One was - sorry to be kind of blunt, but - fat. No, like, really. In a very scary way. Like, a breath could crush you, let alone her falling on top of you.

The other one was tall, lanky, and looked like she'd be pretty handy with a switchblade. She had these slanty, cold eyes that were hell freaky.

. . . I'm not going to make it out of Camp Happy Face alive . . .

'YA'LL READY TO HAVE FUN?' Miffy roared furiously from the front of the bus down at us. So far, no one had sat next to me. Which is weird. I mean, I'm approachable enough. So what if I had my leather jacket on. I mean, I'd straightened my hair and everything. Full Maybelline eye make-up and everything. My hair was even Madagascar coloured for the occasion; this nice wine/copper red colour.

But whatever. I didn't MIND that I didn't have a buddy. God knows the wonderful conversations I'd have with some of THESE people.

'Hi. I'm Suze.'

'Satan loves you . . . '

'Er, yay.'

'He calls for you . . . he's everywhere . . . every temptation . . . he's insiiiiiiiide you . . . '

'Hey. Dude. It's called Prozac. Use it. A lot.'

. . . Ugh.

The bus revved, as it was about to move. 'We're still missing one,' Miffy snapped at the bus driver. 'Hold on.'

I closed my eyes, and leaned my head against the window tiredly.

Please, lightning, strike the road and cause a tree to fall . . . anything to block the road, and make this stupid camp be canceled . . . make Miffy have a heart attack or something. Or an erection.

Considering that we haven't established a concrete gender yet.

Just sleeeeeeeeeeeep, Suze . . . sleeeeeeep through the entiiiiiiiiiire camp . . .

Or fake gastro?

. . . Erm . . . sleep would do.

_**I had wanted to take my car. Having retired my Beamer, I had gotten one of those sweet two-seater Audis. I only needed two seats. One for me and that significant other.**_

**_But they wouldn't let me. According to--who was it now? Oh, yeah--Miffy, 'Delinquents don't drive'._**

_**Yeah, well, I gave her credit for alliteration. Or him. Couldn't QUITE tell.**_

_**So having packed my North Face bag with all the clothes I'd need for the ENTIRE summer, seeing as how the camp was that WHOLE time, I had made a lazy exit from my house, enjoying the heat of the Californian sun, and headed to the bus pick up spot.**_

_**Just what I had DESPERATELY needed this summer: A bus ride with cutters, Satanists, Mansonists, and just down right CREEPY people.**_

_**Well, um, I guess the ride wouldn't get dull.**_

_**But, in all honesty, what the HELL was I going to do for 12 weeks at a camp for CUTTERS?**_

_**I guess I could always bang a schitzo chic, but then I'd have to deal with one girl AND her eighteen voices. No one needs that. And besides, I already had enough trouble with one NORMAL girl.**_

**_And the camp was called 'Camp Happy Face'._**

_**With a name like that, there is no way in HELL you could EVER do anything there without adult supervision.**_

**_But the REAL bummer of the entire situation is that while I'm waiting for kids to fall into my arms during 'Trust Exercises', Suze is able to stay home and hang out in her hot tub ALL summer long._**

_**The hot tub I should be making-out with her in.**_

_**Then again, I guess she could always be going back to the Pebble Beach hotel, our place of meeting.**_

**_My whole, 'Now who called room service and ordered the pretty girl?' persona._**

_**A summer I'd NEVER forget. Apparently, she stubbornly wouldn't either.**_

_**I could see the bus pick up place meters away, I began a light sprint, and as I did so, I felt my rage against Sister Ernestine raise.**_

_**It was SHE who put in an application to Camp Suck My Dick for me. Supposedly, the novice I lashed out at a couple months ago was in hysterics and couldn't even LOOK at me the same way again, which, you know, considering that risks lusting after me, I'm completely okay with.**_

**_Sister Ernestine called me into the office one day in June and said, 'Mr. Slater, we can't risk having another one of your, how should I say it, attacks happen again.'_**

'**_But I didn't attack anywhu--'_**

'**_There's this lovely place that has donated--I mean, affiliates with this school called Camp Happy Face--'_**

'**_Now, wait, ha, it's called Camp Happy Face?'_**

'**_--that has dealt very well with delinquent_**

**_s like yourself. I have already filled out and sent an application in for you, and you have been accepted. So on June 16, the camp bus will come, and you will begin your search for the 'New And Less Violent You'. Here's a pass back to class.'_**

_**Um, as if the blow to my ego wasn't bad enough at Ackerman's house party those months ago, now they want me to go to Rehab?**_

_**Well, in a sense, anyway.**_

_**They had got to be joking.**_

**_Finally, I reached the bus, and placed a hand in between the bus wall and the door, and said to Misty who was nearly flipping out at my absence, 'I'm here.'_**

_**God, don't get your panties in a wad. Er, I mean, boxers?**_

_**This was just way too much on my SUMMER VACATION.**_

**_She-he glared at me and said, 'It's Miffy. Take a seat...Slater.'_**

Two words.

Two words made me suddenly freak out, and thank God at the same time.

AAAAAAAAAH! PAUL!

THANK YOU! PAUL.

Among the crazy, heavily eye-lined people who kept glaring back at me, the paranoid possibly schizophrenic guys to the left and the occasionally swearing 300 lb chick in the seat two in front of me, there was someone I KNEW was at least a teeny bit sane.

On the other hand . . .

I HAD TO SPEND 12 FREAKING WEEKS WITH PAUL FREAKING SLATER.

That kind of made me cringe. I jerked my head up in shock as he looked around the bus, appearing very irritated. Quickly, I dropped my now red-haired head so it was beneath the seat and out of his vision. Then, I slid my sunnies on, and emerged looking away cautiously.

If I kept this up all summer, he'd never know. The perfect crime . . .

Don't see me - oh, that seat next to me? It's taken. By who? Um, a ghost. Oh yeah, you see them too. Well . . . erm, this is a ghost that only I can see. This ghost is the reason I'm on rehab camp.

Camp Kill Me Please.

WHAT THE HELL WAS PAUL SLATER DOING ON A DELINQUENT CAMP, ANYWAY? GAWD. How perfectly RANDOM.

Avoid me at all costs. Pretend I'm not here. Go sit next to Miffy. I'm pretty sure she/he only came to get laid.

However, I must have reeked of sanity, because Paul unfortunately detected it and honed it on it.

_**I felt like I was on some catwalk and being judged by Satan's minions.**_

_**I shivered more than once, averting my gaze from any of the would-be-killers. This was just...awkward.**_

_**Although, I DID note that a few of the weird cutter type girls WERE checking me out.**_

_**Ha, never fails. Paul is SO desired by all.**_

**_Sticking out like a sore thumb, I happened to notice this one NORMAL looking girl. Well, as normal as a kid on a one way trip to 'Camp Happy Face' can get._**

_**She was actually rather attractive, what with her flowing, long semi-red hair and slim figure. If it wasn't for the leather jacket and sun glasses, she would have looked just like a typical prep from my old school in Seattle.**_

_**I decided right there and then, she'd be the first one I'd screw considering that she was hot--uh, actually REALLY hot, and didn't look like she had a whole collection of Swiss Army Knives.**_

_**Then, as my eyes tend to do (me being seventeen), they drifted down to her chest.**_

_**You know, why do I even feel like I have to explain myself each time I check out a girl?**_

_**I am a guy. Guys like breasts. DEAL.**_

_**Anyway, as I was staring, I began to realize that her chest was really familiar to me.**_

_**As I took the seat directly across from hers, it hit me.**_

_**Those are Suze's breasts.**_

'**_Suze?' I asked kind of uncertain, and not really loud enough so then I made myself look psycho._**

. . . Damn it. Sprung. God, how the HELL did he identify me? I mean, my HAIR was even a different colour. And he's never seen me in a leather jacket. So what was the DEAL?

Inwardly I groaned. Outwardly?

Heh. I ignored him.

_**Score.**_

Shit.

'**_Suze--' I nearly cried it out in that embarrassing excited tone I sometimes get, but then I calmed down, '--what the hell are YOU doing here?...A-And why is your hair red?'_**

God. This guy needs a tranquilizer.

Pissed off, I looked over at him. 'No comment,' I said in annoyance. 'And it's not _red_. It's _Madagascar_, hello?'

Yeah. Because he so knows all of the Schwarzkopf hair colours off by heart, doesn't he Suze?

Hmph. He should.

I looked down angrily at my nails, and started trying to chip the black polish away. It was cool. I had both removed and more black in my camp bag. No big.

God. It was embarrassing enough that I was ON this camp. But PAUL SLATER knew I was on here. Gah!

Then again . . . so was he.

So a big major Nelson HAH-HAH from the Susie corner.

_**I shook my head in disbelief. Suze Simon was on the bus. Suze Simon was going to Camp Happy Face. Suze Simon was going to be with me, Paul Slater, for twelve WHOLE weeks.**_

_**We were finally gonna screw each other's brains out!**_

**_Now I FINALLY get what they mean when they're talking about 'Summer Camp Memories'._**

_**And Madagascar? What was wrong with her original chestnut color? I liked it that way.**_

I rolled my eyes. 'Well, Jesse thought it was a nice colour,' I said a little snappily.

_**Not, of course, that the red looked bad. It looked nice. Sexy. But, you know what they say about redheads.**_

_**The whole temper thing.**_

_**And then, of course, there's also the whole 'wild' thing about them too.**_

_**Okay, I can deal with the red. I like redheads.**_

'OKAY, DELINQUENTS?' Miffy, up front, yodeled throughout the bus. 'There are some RULES on this bus. No drinking, so swearing, no fighting, no eating, no smoking, no attempted suicide, no yelling, no consumption of any drugs, an sexual contact of any kind,' she gave a hard look to two boys up front sitting a little close to each other to be normal, 'Now lets put on our happy faces.'

Wow. What a truly wonderful, heartfelt speech.

. . . I felt nauseated.

Again, there was a roar of the engine, and there we were, chugging fast up the hill, leaving the Salinas.

I had my arms crossed. I didn't want to talk to Paul. I mean . . . okay, I knew that it was probably going to be inevitable. But if I didn't HAVE to, I wouldn't.

However, when this guy with very red, droopy eyes turned around and asked me in a loud whisper if I had any dope on me, the first thing I did was look at Paul was a 'HOW DO I ANSWER _THAT_?' look on my face.

Eww . . . I really hate drugs. I mean, this guy could have been hot. But nooooooooo. He looked all stoned and icky and stuff.

Eww.

**_From the quick but fleeting look that Suze directed my way, the droopy eyed kid must have thought that that was some secret druggie code to mean, 'Paul Slater is stashed.'_**

_**Which I wasn't.**_

_**I know how to have a good time withOUT drugs...**_

_**AND my penis.**_

**_Well, uh, maybe not so much the second one._**

**_I cocked an eyebrow at the stoned kid and said, 'Dude, are you for real? I've got nothing, and she's got nothing. And don't you know how to treat a lady? You don't ask questions like that.'_**

_**Druggie tried to look completely offended, only, the only thing he managed was to drool a bit.**_

_**I hear drugs can do that to a person.**_

_**He finally turned around leaving me alone with Suze...and, uh, I guess eighty other dope pushers.**_

_**God, way to make sexual activities an impossibility. We didn't even get a nice bus with those bathrooms in the back.**_

_**As delinquents, we had NO privileges.**_

**_Sliding my own pair of shades on my face, I asked once again, 'So, Suze, how is it you managed to merit invitation to this joyfest? It couldn't have been your winning personality.'_**

I snorted. 'Oh, I'm a volunteer,' I said sarcastically, glaring out the window. God, UNLUCKY MUCH?

TWELVE WEEKS IS A FREAKIN' LONG TIME.

Everything was going by fast outside. Hopefully Paul would soon choose to stare at it too - the going-fast-outsideness, I mean - and not annoy me.

Gah. Fat chance, Susie.

'**_Volunteer?' I asked dubiously. I turned back around so I was facing the seat in front of me. 'Uh-huh, right. So then if you're staff, you didn't get one of these charming t-shirts?'_**

**_I pulled the white camp uniform tee that said around a giant smiley face, 'Drugs are short term, while happy faces and friendship are eternal.'_**

_**Um...yeah.**_

**_That should TOTALLY pump me up to be the 'Less Violent' me._**

I glared. 'Shut up,' I said snappily, turning back away.

**_Despite my current mood, I laughed, and chucked the shirt at the window in my seat, 'So I'm guessing that's a 'Yes, I have a positive t-shirt too,' I said._**

I sighed, and looked back at him tiredly. God. If I thought this camp was going to be bad, I really had no idea. You see . . . Paul has a tendency to be a little . . . life draining. Just, you know. So annoying with his persistence that all you want to DO is kill yourself.

If I went near a razor, it'd be HIS fault, you watch.

'DON'T ASK ME OUT AGAIN OR I SWEAR I'LL DO IT!'

'Suze. It's not worth it.'

'HELL it isn't! MUAHAHA. I'M A BADASS CUTTER, HAHA - '

Cough. Ignore me.

. . . Ignore him too. He's a bad influence on humans.

'**_It's sexy,' I finally said after her refusal to reply to my statement. I then glanced out the window. No longer were we in beach paradise territory anymore. It looked like we were heading into more woodsy territory._**

_**Could this be?...**_

_**Nah. No way.**_

'What's sexy?' I asked.

**_I nodded in her direction, 'Your hair. It's different, but sexy all the same.'_**

_**Wouldn't mind running my fingers through it.**_

_**Or having your fingers running along my d--**_

_**O-KAY, now, Paul. Calm it down now.**_

I didn't really know how to, you know, be all, 'Quiet, loathsome creature. Your compliments are NOTHING to me, fiendish toe-cheese.' Because, you know . . . that was kinda . . . nice.

I kind of blushed. Which, as you know, is even MORE embarrassing than having an asshole like that compliment your hair change. 'Uhhhh,' I said.

I wouldn't say thanks, though.

. . . Hey? Who even CALLS hair sexy?

Was he like . . . a hair fetishist or something?

. . . Eww . . . he'd have like, a collection of all types of hair . . . red hair, brunette hair . . . pubic hair -

Suze?

Uh, eww.

'**_Thank you,' I exaggerated. 'It's how NORMAL people usually respond to social interaction. You know, me having complimented you, you should say 'thank you'.'_**

_**I sank down in my chair, and put my knees up against the seat in front of me, making sure the collar of my blue polo shirt with the stripes of white/orange/yellow on the part covering my chest was still sticking up.**_

_**She continued to ignore me, and muttered something incoherently.**_

_**One day or another, Suze and I would have a conversation that involved BOTH of us adding our pieces. God, shy did she have to be so stubborn?**_

_**And why did my eyes keep averting to her chest?**_

'**_So,' I began again, STRUGGLING to keep up conversation, 'what'd Rico Suave have to say about the whole you leaving and not being in touch with him for TWELVE weeks?'_**

_**I began to pull my shirt off up and over my head.**_

Uhhhhhhhh . . . Paul was . . . erm . . . undressing on a bus . . .

And I'm very sorry, but . . . yuuuuuum . . .

What? DON'T look at me like that. I am a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD FEMALE with or without a boyfriend, (minor detail) but we don't just IGNORE - you know - abs when they are on display.

Especially, erm . . . ones like that . . .

With a cough, I said in a voice that was a little too jerky, 'He's FINE about it.'

. . . Damn fine . . .

SUZE. STOP IT, YOU PERVERTED WENCH.

'**_It's just that,' I said, still keeping my face to the seat in front of me. A sexy half-smile creeped onto my face, as I noticed Suze staring sort of longer than was polite. Not that I minded. I made this HUGE production of searching for my t-shirt, so she could have my naked, muscular back to lust over._**

_**Damn. If only SHE would change on the bus. I want to have a look at her naked, muscular back.**_

_**Or, her naked br--**_

'**_--well, twelve weeks is a long time, and I don't know Suze, you're 16 with raging hormones. He's twent--oh, now wait, he's a hundred fifty years old with manly cravings. How well could that possibly pan out?'_**

**_I sighed dramatically, 'It would be so much easier if Jesse were real or at least alive. Although, I gotta say, you have quite the selection of fine young bachelors on this trip. There's only a one in ten chance that the guy will gut you with a pocket knife. I bet that will keep you warm at night.'_**

What do you say to THAT? No, really. I really don't know. I mean . . . it was pretty RUDE -

Ha. Rude. That's it.

'Shut up,' I said.

My God. With these witty combacks, I'm SO going places.

And, erm, apparently one of them was Camp Happy Face.

So I'll just be hacking a cough about now.

_**What the--**_

_**What was a Trojan doing in my backpack?**_

_**I shoved it back under all my clothes. Must have been from my LAST family camping trip.**_

_**Lauren...I will never forget that, er, experience.**_

_**She was hot.**_

As he was rummaging in his bag for his shirt, all I was able to look at was his, er, back. I saw how the muscles flexed with each movement – SUZE STOP EYE-RAPING HIM, YOU SLUT! PFFT. BAD SUZE.

**_I gave up my 'search' for my t-shirt, and instead, turned towards Suze, and asked, 'So, Suze, what do YOU hope to gain from your experience at Camp Happy Face?'_**

An orgas -

'Uhhhhhhhh,' I said again. What? Sorry, when a female is confronted with a chest like THAT, it's usually MORE than enough to render her speechless. I brushed my hair back, and looked away. 'Uh - can you - put a shirt on or something - '

Eww.

I mean, so NOT eww, but . . . arrogant, much?

_**I chuckled again, and flexed right as I turned around to grab my shirt.**_

'**_What?' I asked, putting my shades on top of my backpack. 'Am I making you hot and heavy?'_**

'NO,' I said pointedly. 'Just, you know, nudity. That's probably against one of Miffy's rules.'

Some kid up the front just . . .er, randomly started crying and yelling. Needless to say, Miffy roared at the bus driver for us to pull over at a gas station momentarily so said cutter could get over it. And plus, she apparently wanted a coke.

'STAY ON THE DAMNED BUS,' she said politely to the rest of us. Then, having no sympathy for the guy-with-issues, she shoved him out of the bus for air.

Greeeeeeeeat. LONGER trip. Just GREAT.

'_**Okay,' I rolled my eyes, 'I'll respect your wishes.'**_

_**I pulled the shirt up and over my head only--**_

'_**Dammit. This shirt is about eight sizes too small,' I said, gazing down at my stomach. The shirt didn't even cover my stomach. It left about three inches of skin between the bottom of the shirt and the brim of my pants. The arms were another story. The sleeves were really short and tight..**_

_**GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.**_

And, uh . . .

I kind of laughed. I mean, he looked like a sorority boy.

'_**Uh, Suze,' I noted, 'that's kind of not funny right now.'**_

_**Um, way to make me look like a genuine ass.**_

Again, I snorted, and noticed a Japanese couple staring at him in awe from the outside of the bus, and snapping a picture.

THAT'S a keeper.

_**My long, commanding middle fingers gave the Japanese couple an idea for afternoon activities. I mean, EVERYTHING stuck out of this shirt. It was like clingy material or something.**_

_**I pulled out the emergency Mountain Dew I had stashed away and took a gulp.**_

_**Operation 'Woo Suze' is failing at about this point.**_

_**Operation turn Paul on is a complete success. Although, I'm pretty much turned on by anything with womanhood.**_

'_**Aw, come on, Suze,' I finally said, 'You can't tell me this doesn't turn you on just a little bit. I mean--' --and then I proceeded to flex an arm muscle-- 'huh?'**_

In annoyance, I stood up with an 'Ugh,' of disgust, and walked down the bus isle, away from him.

God, get me OUT OF HERE.

_**God, get me INTO her.**_

- 8 -

**And that's our first chapter . . . next one won't be TOOOOOOOOOOOO long away.**

**Hahaha. I love Paul. Honestly . . . he's so WONDERFULLY gross!**

**Anyways, PLEASE review.**

**Disclaimed to Meg Cabot.**

**So, that's the spasmatic antics of Lolly and Emily.**

**Signing off with love,**

_**Us.**_


	2. Chapter Two

And now, presenting, chapter two of mine and Emily's LOVELY, very socially acceptable fanfiction.

(Not.)

- 8 -

_**There I sat, in a bus for delinquents; in a shirt for a toddler.**_

_**Sounds like a joyride, right?**_

_**Everyone else was filing off of the bus to go for a restroom break, buy candy bars, sodas (well, maybe not so much for the kids with ADHD up the wall), pocket knives, lighters, pornos, etc.**_

_**You know, normal teenager things.**_

_**I just decided to wallow in my grumpy mood, and stay on the bus.**_

_**Miffy instructed us to get changed into our camp uniforms in the restrooms, but since I already had my shirt on, why not just pull the shorts on too? I mean, it's not as if anyone else was on the bus. Well, there was the driver, but he was asleep, and VERY heterosexual. He kept eyeing Miffy.**_

_**Then again, maybe he's bi. Because Miffy seems to be confused.**_

_**This sucked ass. And not even in the good way.**_

With twenty bucks in my pocket, I walked into the gas station, and grabbed about ten Mars Bars. What? Don't look at me like that; I needed them. Badly. I then purchased a Cosmo, and some a paperback novel. It was a Stephen King one, called Song of Susannah.

. . . So sue me? Any book with a title like that MUST be brilliant.

Hehehe.

As I went to pay, I accidentally dropped my magazine on the floor. Before I could pick it up, this Goth totally bent down, and got it for me.

'Here,' he said, with a kind of half smile.

'Thanks,' I replied.

He stood behind me as I payed, and then got his own stuff; Playboy - which he made a feeble effort to hide - and a huge bag of salt and vinegar chips.

Then he turned back, and was all, 'Well, you look relatively normal. Why are you here?'

I rolled my eyes. 'My teacher hates me,' I said grimly. 'I'm Suze.'

He nodded. 'Jason.'

'You Goth or something?' I asked.

'Yeah,' he said.

'Cool,' I replied.

He kind of walked with me to outside again. There was a smell of fresh air, and forest. It was kind of overwhelming. I had no idea where we were, but whatever.

'Okay,' I said, 'Whatever. See you on camp. And don't, you know, give yourself an orgasm from your mag.'

He laughed. 'Spoil my every plan, why don't you.'

Hmmm. You think it's funny, don't you. Eww . . .

I looked over at Paul on the bus, briefly.

The Goth guy - Jason - saw. 'You two were sitting close on the bus,' he observed. 'Are you g - '

'No,' I said in quick disgust. 'God, no. He's just . . . I know him, that's all.'

'Friend?'

'No.'

He looked a little confused. 'Right,' he said. 'Well, I'm going to go ogle the sexy legs of Paris Hilton, before she gets confiscated. Later.'

I smiled, and he left. Again, I looked over at Paul. Why hadn't he gotten off?

_**You know, this was like the epitome of suck ASS-edness.**_

_**And then to top the ice cream sundae off with a cherry, I see Suze come out of the convenience store with some Gothic type kid. They looked pretty friendly too.**_

_**God. What is that girl's problem? Who the HELL does she want me to be so she'd like me? What do I have to DO to get her to understand that there's something between us?**_

_**It's something more powerful than lust, I know it. It's...I don't know how to even explain it, but it's there.**_

_**Did she want me to go Goth and get an eyebrow ring like Porno mag over there? I mean, I was thinking about a tongue ring, but nothing serious, until now maybe.**_

_**And what's up with THAT? Even I have the smarts to know you don't buy a porno mag right in FRONT of the girl you're hoping to screw. It's the polite thing to do.**_

_**I mean, I hardly even look at porn. There's enough action to be had for me. It comes easily.**_

_**Ugh, now I'm over generalizing this. Maybe they were just chatting. God, I HATE how she does this to me. Make it so I can't even act sanely, I can't THINK sanely. It's frustrating.**_

_**I slouched down in my seat, pulled my shades down, and closed my eyes. If I ever saw civilized humanity again, I would be a lucky man.**_

- 8 -

_**I was suddenly wrenched awake when the bus pulled to a sudden halt. It appeared that we had arrived at Camp Happy Face right on schedule.**_

_**I looked out of the bus window and at the camp. It surprisingly looked perfectly normal. Wow. And here I was picturing something straight out of the movie Matilda.**_

_**Shut up, I was eight.**_

_**And STILL getting more than any of you reading this.**_

_**I sat up rubbing my head from where it jammed into the window from the stop. Miffy began to speak.**_

'_**Alright, miscreants,' she began, 'you all will be getting off of this bus in a single file, orderly fashion. You'll walk past the luggage compartment on the bus, pick up your things, receive your cabin assignments, and then in a half an hour, you'll report to the main hall where you usually eat.**_

'_**Is that understood?' she asked. Everyone nodded in agreement whether they understood or not.**_

_**I shoved all my things into my backpack, and heaved it up and onto my shoulder. Suze got up, and I followed suit right behind her.**_

_**We all know assasins do it from behind.**_

_**As we walked down the aisle of the bus, I couldn't imagine how I didn't recognize Suze right away.**_

_**I mean that ass was like God's direct gift to me.**_

_**On my way out, Miffy grabbed a hold of my arm and said, 'Slater, what is this?'**_

_**And by 'this' she meant my too small shirt. Only, I don't think it was really offensive for her.**_

_**She was checking me OUT!**_

_**THAT'S FUCKING MESSED UP!**_

'_**Uh, yeah,' I said quickly, trying to get out of her grasp the fastest humanly possible, 'apparently, they sent me the wrong size.'**_

_**She eyed me over one more time, SHIT, and said, 'After you unpack, head over to the admissions building and ask for a bigger sized shirt. Wouldn't want you to be walking around like that.'**_

_**Wouldn't want you to be TOUCHING or EYE RAPING me.**_

'_**Uh, right. Will do,' I replied and then motored out of that bus faster than I have ever done anything in my entire life.**_

_**FUCK.**_

_**That was just wrong.**_

I was listening in on Miffy's and Paul's very intimate code. Ha. He was SO hitting on her. Hahaha. You know, it would have been so much easier if he had have just changed back into his other shirt.

He looked like a hoochie mama.

And that's saying something.

I turned around and gave him something that was halfway between a simper and a glare. A serves-you-right kinda thing, you know?

Honestly. All assholes should get punished.

. . . Um . . . that sounds . . . kinda kinky.

Ignore that.

With a toss of my hair, I went to grab my stupid camp bag from the pile that the bus driver had thrown unceremoniously on the dusty road. Since I'm pretty strong, it wasn't that hard from me.

This guy was having trouble with his.

'Here,' I smiled, 'Let me - '

'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!' he screeched at me.

Alarmed, I fell back a few steps. 'Uh . . . fine . . . get the bag yourself.'

I heard laughing behind me. This girl with long sleeves was smirking at me.

Okay. I know a bitch when I see one.

I mean, even I don't wear skirts that short.

She had a face like a rat crossed with a teenage mutant ninja turtle. Who the HELL wears a miniskirt on a CAMP? God, think they're HARDCORE or something?

I didn't smile. The really really really really large girl - I mean . . . fine, to be politically correct, the horizontally enhanced female, stood behind her, and laughed. Then - I am so serious - she just came over there, grabbed my bag and threw it on the floor.

I stared. 'Whoa. That put me in my place. Gosh, I feel really intimidated now.'

'We don't like little whores on our CAMP,' she spat at at me.

. . . Tourettes much?

'Good thing I'm not one,' I said. This all coming from someone who looks like a forty year old fat man.

I mean, they weren't even BREASTS. They were MAN-BOOBS. There's a DIFFERENCE. I'd know. (Dopey.)

With I smile I picked up my bag again. 'Stay out of my way, El Grande, or this bag is going where the sun don't shine - '

OW.

She just PUSHED me over someone ELSE'S bag.

I landed full force with my OWN bag on top of me.

'What is your PROBLEM?' I squealed at her in fury.

She - along with rat-face - glared.

Oh yeah. I forget. This is a camp for psychopaths. They know not what is right.

THANKS AGAIN FOR SENDING ME HERE, SISTER ERNESTINE. SEN-FUCKING-SATIONAL.

_**I managed to find my duffle, the administration building, and my cabin .**_

_**What I didn't manage to find was Suze again. We were split up, and there was no way in HELL I was trekking back to that bus. God, Miffy'd probably ass rape me or something equally gross.**_

_**Yeah well. Suze was a big girl. She could handle herself. She wasn't just your ordinary hot chick. And I'm not talking about Shifting. There's something there that just makes me want to strip her and myself naked and bang her all night long.**_

_**Maybe it's the fact that she's female.**_

_**Seriously though, that's not it. Despite what is thought about me, there's MORE to me than sex and inappropriate innuendoes.**_

_**There's just something about her.**_

_**In my new, more nicely fitted, Camp Happy Face shirt, I walked down the path that would lead me to my cabin. From just my short time there, I realized that the administration had split the camp in half with the girls' cabins on one side of the lake, and the guys' cabins on the other side. The main hall was right in the between both residence areas along with the administration building and all the other gay activities they would have us do.**_

_**Well, except tennis. That's not so gay.**_

_**663, 664, 665,--**_

_**666. My cabin number.**_

_**That's almost as bad as racial discrimination.**_

_**I'm not the devil, just a deviant sociopath.**_

_**I heaved my duffle bag over my only free shoulder, and pulled open the rickety screen door. It creaked pretty badly like doors tend to do in all those Freddy and Jason movies.**_

_**Apparently, I was the first person to arrive because nobody else was there. The cabin wasn't THAT bad. There were two bunks on opposite sides of the cabin and then directly in front of me, there was a small table with two chairs around it.**_

_**Somebody didn't pass elementary math.**_

_**I shoved my things on the bottom bunk to my left and began unpacking my backpack setting some of the important things on my nightstand.**_

_**Those things being my flashlight, my recent Dan Brown novel, a picture of Suze and I when we went on our ONE date last summer, and my toiletries bag.**_

_**Speaking of, where the hell are the restroom facilities?**_

With another glare at Miss I-need-three-maybe-four-plane-seats-because-my-ass-is-just-that-BIG, as she walked away.

Okay. I thought that maybe this camp would be okay. I mean . . . you know, how bad can a bunch of 14-18 year olds be?

. . . Bad.

'Hey,' someone said. 'You okay?'

I winced, and looked up. This chick stood there.

. . . Whoa.

The first thing I noticed was the hot pink streaks in her hair that was basically the same colour as mine, only slightly darker. Her nails on the hand she was offering to me were long and painted black. There was also a leather wristband donning her wrist.

I took her hand and she pulled me up. God, she was almost as strong as I was. Her eyes were green like mine, only, they were more olive coloured than emerald. And then to top off her slightly attractive face, she had a silver nose stud on the right side of her nose. Her shoulder length hair became attached to her lips as a slight breeze blew past.

I also noticed that her hands were large. Like, they were almost as big as Jesse's only, but they were still feminine.

God, way to ALMOST show me up in the looks department!

Cough.

I'm fine,' I said quickly. 'Uh, thanks. I mean, I didn't need your - ' Suze? Just thank you, you freak. 'Yeah, thanks.'

She smiled kind of quickly. 'Emily,' she said, and again, stuck out her hand. I kinda shook it. Whoa, she had a very firm grip.

. . . Scary.

'You gonna tell your name, or are you going for the whole anonymous mystery?' she grinned.

'I'm Fred,' I said. 'No . . . it's Suze.'

She nodded fairly. 'You want help with your b - '

'I got it,' I said. 'I'm stronger than I look.'

Looking skeptical, Emily shrugged. 'You tell yourself that.'

I yanked my back up, and walked on ahead strongly.

'Okay, okay, I believe you,' she called after me. 'Don't hurt yourself, ha.'

'I gotta dump this in my cabin,' I said. 'I - uhhh . . . how do we know what one we're in?'

'You Suze . . . Simon?' she frowned.

I nodded.

Emily grinned. She had a nice smile. It was a happy one. 'You're with me, honey.'

I laughed a little uncomfortably. Uh . . . if she was . . . I mean, I didn't swing that way -

_**It was only after I completely unpacked my bags that three other guys came sauntering in.**_

_**They all nodded in recognition of me, not exactly saying anything else. I nodded and sort of grunted in return. It was just the way guys did things. It was no weirder than the fact that girls do EVERYTHING together. Exactly why DO you all travel in groups to go to the bathroom? Any idea how HARD it is to ask a girl out when there's eighty other estrogen filled lethal weapons by her?**_

_**The first two guys looked pretty normal, except for the one guy with the lip, tongue, eyebrow ring, and the dyed black hair. The other guy was blonde haired and looked pretty normal. Maybe I wasn't the only one sent to this camp on wrongful determination.**_

_**Then the third guy entered. And who do you think it was? Oh, no one except for the Goth that followed Suze out of the convenience store.**_

_**I swear to God, he says ONE derogatory or sexual thing about Suze, I will beat the shit out of him; no questions asked.**_

_**Apparently, recognition donned on his part too, because he ignored me as he set his things on the top of the opposite bunk set.**_

_**Absently rolling on my back and staring at the bottom of the bunk above me, I asked to know one in particular, 'So, what sends you all here to Camp Happy Face?'**_

_**The kid with the all the facial piercings piped up and said in a kind of groggy, deep voice, 'My gym teacher back in Houston hated me. Probably paranoia on one hand, but she definitely didn't like me, probably my statement and all.'**_

_**Your statement being, 'I'm a punk, so therefore, I don't have to bathe?'**_

'_**Anyway,' he continued, 'one day, I got pissed, and mooned the bitch. They said I had 'authority issues'.'**_

'_**Shipped me out here to Seattle, and that's where I am,' he finished. He gestured towards the Gothic kid and asked, 'Why're you here? Authority issues? Color issues?'**_

_**Goth boy replied with, 'Well, uh, you know how they are in northeast. Strict about ev –'**_

'_**COCK.'**_

_**I, as well as everyone else, turned in the blonde haired guy's direction. Bruce, apparently had uttered the obscenity.**_

_**I blinked. 'Let me guess why they sent you here,' I gandered, 'Tourette's, right?'**_

_**He nodded sheepishly, apologized, and continued unpacking.**_

'_**Nah, it's cool,' the Goth kid said**_

_**shaking it off.**_

_**Oh, so now the kid is understanding. I could be understanding too. Hell, I AM understanding. I am VERY understanding of the fact that I want Suze and she wants me. You know what HER problem is? Yeah, the fact that she's NOT understandable.**_

'_**Anyway,' Goth boy continued, 'yeah, pretty much. The whole Goth thing always puts you on the wrong side of the track, you know? Ununderstanding adults and hurtful kids. So yeah, teacher had a problem with the way I was dressed. Asked me to go to the office. I refused saying it was my given right to dress the way I was. She said it was her given right to give me a detention. I mouthed her off,**_

_**lit my desk on fire. You know, the usual.'**_

_**Ring guy snorted and laughed. Apparently, this gesture of civilized people came close to home for him.**_

_**Goth continued, 'So, that's basically the end of story. My parents and teachers agreed CHF was the best for me, so that's how I go from New Hampshire to Washington. Quite a story, huh?'**_

_**We all nodded in an agreement.**_

_**Goth nodded in Bruce's direction.**_

'_**What about you? You know, besides the obvious. How'd you end up here.'**_

_**Bruce seemed to think about it for awhile. He had this tick to him that would make him suddenly jerk around. Poor bastard.**_

'_**Well, uh, I'm from Colorado, and obviously, have Tourette's. Pretty much, SHIT, the same scenario as you two--' he pointed in their directions, ticking again, '--But, uh, at first, my Tourette's wasn't bad. I'd, ASS COCK, pretty much just say my name, Bruce over again.**_

'_**They'd get annoyed, sure, but there was nothing they could do about it. But then, as I got older, things began to get relatively, MOTHER FU – sorry, relatively worse, with me shouting obscenities. So one day, in school, the teacher wrote me up for saying crude things, and unjustly, ASS SEX, I was sentenced to here. Happy story, huh?'**_

_**Poor, poor, bastard.**_

_**Bruce gestured towards me,**_

'_**What about you, FUCK? Sorry.'**_

'_**Me?' I asked, pointing at myself.**_

_**He nodded and continued putting his things away.**_

'_**Oh,' I commented nonchalantly, 'that. Uh, I told off a nun.'**_

_**Bruce and the kid with the piercings looked at me with a renewed interest. Goth Guy said, 'Well, gee, THAT was low. She's a servant of God.'**_

_**Uh, no one asked YOUR opinion on the matter.**_

'_**Really?' Pierced, who, according to the name scribbled on his journal of songs, was Trent.**_

'_**Yeah,' I said, smirking arrogantly, and placing my hands beneath my head.**_

'_**What'd you say?' Trent asked again.**_

'_**Couldn't have been any worse than what I spewed a couple minutes ago,' Bruce said.**_

_**I laughed a little, 'Oh, actually it can. And it did.'**_

_**Wow, I'd never told anyone about this. Well, except**_

_**the novice and the rest of the Junpiero Serra Mission Academy.**_

'_**I said to her, "Why don't you go fuck off and go fuck your mom, and then see if God will save your sorry ass then. I'm sure he'll give you extra points if you fuck her in the ass," and then I basically walked off campus and drove home.'**_

_**Bruce looked at me in awe. 'To a NUN?'**_

_**Trent said, 'Whoa, dude, you're my hero. That was wicked awesome. Talking smack like that.'**_

_**I shifted uncomfortably. It was one of those things I had done that I wasn't exactly proud of.**_

_**Trent held his hand out, and said ,'Put 'er there. I'm Trent Lane by the way.'**_

_**I grasped his hand and shook it. 'Paul Slater.'**_

'_**ASSHOLE Ryans,' Bruce stuck his hand out too. 'I mean, Bruce.'**_

_**I shook his hand too. 'Nice.'**_

_**To be polite, I stuck my hand out for Goth guy too.**_

'_**Paul,' I said. 'I saw you coming out of the rest stop with my girl.'**_

_**Goth guy looked skeptical, but then took my hand and said, 'Jason. Jason Martnik. And, uh, she said you two weren't going out.'**_

'_**Aw, yes,' I said reclaiming my face towards the bed above me position, 'she gets like that, you know? Can't keep her head straight after mind blowing sex.'**_

_**And with that, I grabbed my backpack and headed out for the main hall.**_

Emily told me we were in cabin 273, on this side of the lake. I snorted, and told her that that was my locker number.

Yeah, Suze, wow. Sooooooo interesting.

We dumped our stuff in there. I asked if anyone else was assigned here, and she was all, 'No.'

That was cool.

'Just you and me, Suzie,' she said creepily.

I gave her another weird look.

'Um,' I said, 'Yeah.'

After we settled stuff in - she'd bought a range of posters featuring a band called Reliant K, and also had one with . . . um . . . Harrison Ford on it - cough - I put my miniature of Jesse on the bedside table.

'Who's that?' she asked. 'Granddad?'

With a smile, I said, ' . . . Yeah.'

Oh, boy.

'Who was that guy you were with on the bus?' she said all of a sudden. 'He was pretty cute.'

THANK YOU. A SIGN OF HETEROSEXUALITY.

I mock shuddered. 'Uh, he's not really.'

She raised her eyebrows. 'SOMEONE'S blind today. Who is he?'

'Just an asshole,' I said.

'Ha. What he do?' she smirked. 'Screw you, then run?'

I gave her a startled look, 'No – he – no way, we're just – he's – EWW,' I blushed.

She sniggered. 'Okay. Sure.'

'Why are you here?' I asked her.

She smiled dreamily. 'I streaked in protest once,' she said. 'Good times . . . '

STREAKED?

Eww.

'In protest of _what_?' I blinked.

'Pep rallies,' she replied bitterly. 'You realize that all the gay-assed cheerleaders are always – '

'Okay,' I cut short what sounded like it would be a long rant.

'You?'

'Me what?'

'What are YOU here for? I mean, you seem relatively normal.'

'Oh,' I said. 'I have issues.'

'Don't we all,' she sat back on her bed, and smirked. She had this cool smirk. It was like, she knew everything that was going on or something. 'What are these issues, specifically?'

I shrugged. 'Punching and kicking thin air, occasionally.'

With a lazy laugh, she looked over at me. 'Very issue-ish,' she commented. 'But still not as good as everyone in public seeing your tits.'

That's one way of putting it . . .

'Haha,' I said. 'Don't we have to go to some hall?'

She got off the bed. 'Oh yeah,' she muttered. 'I forgot. Miffy goes over the stupid rules . . . you know, no razors, no drugs, no booze, no sex . . . blah, and all the other camp coordinators come in and nick all our contraband. So if you got anything, take it out now. I always do.' At this, she snuck a small dark plastic bottle in the deep pockets of her baggy jeans.

I looked at her skeptically. 'Vodka?'

'Yeah, so?' she asked in defense. 'Miffy can be a real _bitch_ sometimes.'

. . . Okaaaaaaay.


	3. Chapter Three

Hey, it's Emily here. Yes, I know, don't all cheer at once. Here is another chapter of Camp Happy Face just to make your weekend that little bit EXTRA special. Hopefully you'll ALL choose hugs over drugs. Teehee.

- 8 -

'**_Where'd you say you were from again?' Trent asked me as the four of us, Jason, Bruce, Trent, and I, were walking towards the main hall for our rule hearing._**

'**_I didn't,' I replied popping a Skittle into my mouth. So we weren't allowed to have food due to all the kids here who had ADHD and were pretty handy with knives. Big deal. I was kind of famished from the bus ride here._**

'**_So where are you from?' Jason asked, not talking to me much from my last statement about Suze and I having sex. He needed to get over himself. 'Or is it this big secret or something?' he restated._**

**_I looked over at him and popped another Skittle into my mouth. 'It's no secret,' I said with just a hint of annoyance. 'I'm actually from . . . here, I guess. Seattle.'_**

'**_Then why did you get onto the FU--bus in Carmel?' Bruce asked._**

_**Whoa, kid payed attention. I had a sneaking suspicion that Bruce was probably pretty brilliant. He just had an unfortunate disorder.**_

'**_Uh,' I stammered. I threw a Skittle into the air and caught it in my mouth. I am skilled. In more ways than one._**

_**For those of you that didn't get that, I was making a sexual innuendo.**_

'**_Issues from my summer vacation last year,' I finally stated not wanting to say anything more on the matter. 'It's something I don't really want to go into any more detail about.'_**

_**Bruce shrugged and continued walking along with the rest of us. See, if I would have said that to Suze, for instance, she would have pressed me for MORE information. This is why I prefer talking to guys.**_

_**They're not really interested in the first place, and if you say you don't want to talk anymore, they're cool with that because talking is a big strain for us. We'd much rather be playing video games or playing guitar in our rooms.**_

_**Or having sex with certain girls who won't go out with you.**_

'**_That the hall then?' I asked, my mouth full of Skittle, gesturing towards the huge building in front of us._**

'**_Yup,' Trent answered, since he was the only one of us who had been here previously. 'That's it. God, I don't know if I'm ready to handle more of Miffy at the moment.'_**

'**_Agreed,' I said. 'So what do you gander? It a girl or a guy?'_**

_**We all laughed and continued to make our way to the entrance.**_

'This sucks.'

Emily looked over at me. I was sadly looking in the mirror at my Camp Happy Face shorts. They were too TIGHT. Now I knew how Paul felt.

Mind, I was rather glad that his shorts weren't tight. I'd prefer not to know if THAT was the reason why he was so cocky - uh, I mean, arrogant.

But yeah, MY SHORTS WERE. I mean, I have a nice butt if I do say so myself.

But shorts aren't MEANT to be tight. They're meant to be comfortable and nice and cozy.

I think the person organizing the uniform sizes was a severely heavy drinker.

Emily sniggered a little. 'Wow, you like, have an ass or something,' she said jokily.

I glared. 'They're too small.'

'The guys won't think so,' she replied.

'That's my problem,' I said darkly, thinking of certain easily-hornyfied dickheads.

No names, Paul. Keep your eyes OFF my ass.

I sighed, and thanked God that he allowed me a little relief by making my shirt just long enough to cover tightness of a certain mediator's shorts. Then, I grabbed my flashlight, and was all, 'Okay, ready.'

'Finally,' Emily said.

'Oh, wait – ' I said, 'With the camp people going through out bags, does that mean they'll confiscate shaving razors?'

'Yup,' Em said.

'Oooh,' I scurried to grab mine. I would NOT have hairy legs for the rest of the camp. No way.

We set off to the main hall. It was warm, at four in the afternoon. There were a couple of flies buzzing around. The lake was glistening like crystal, reflecting the sun hotly. I had my Ray Bans on, so the glare didn't bother me much. Over the other side, I could see a bunch of guys coming over from their cabins.

One of them could have been Paul, but I couldn't tell; they all had their red or yellow shirts on. Mine was red, and looked all cheap and crappy on me.

I HATE uniform. It's either this, though, or pleated khaki shorts.

'So,' Emily said, 'Where you from?'

'Neptune,' I said tiredly. 'Recently Carmel.'

'Right,' she said coolly. She tossed her head, looking over at the guys who were almost around the lake now, and were going to be approaching us quite soon as we both neared the main hall, 'So, this is your first time here obviously.'

'Huh?' I stopped. 'You've been here more than once?'

She laughed proudly. 'Yup. Last year's offence was also due to my 'indecent exposure.' This is my third year here.'

I winced. 'Um, that's nice.'

WHAT IF SISTER ERNESTINE SENT ME BACK NEXT YEAR?

From behind me, I heard a random Tarzan yell. Then a scream. Then a stream of swear words. Then silence . . .

Uh . . . okay.

Upon seeing the four approaching guys closer, I identified one of them as Paul Slater. I tugged my shirt down nervously, and kind of hid behind Emily.

'Suze . . . ' Emily said slowly, 'Erm, what are you doing?'

I guess that the whole grabbing onto her arm, and shrinking next to her in my efforts to remain unseen were a little odd.

'Oh,' I said, 'Uh, you just . . . have a really cool elbow.'

Emily stared.

'Hey, Saddler!' someone shouted out. I didn't know who they were talking to until I saw Emily and Jason, that Goth guy I'd met at the service station, high-five.

Paul, however, had seen me. Oh, great.

I again tugged my shirt down, and looked around helplessly. Then, Jason nodded at me with a smile.

'Hi,' I said.

'BOOBS,' this guy yelled out. I jumped in alarm.

'_**Up to the old habbits again, I see,' Jason said to the girl with the pink hair. She was kind of hot. Suze was hotter though. She always is. 'What was it this time? More sports taking away money from the art department?'**_

_**Saddler nodded, and laughed embarrassedly, 'Yeah, something like that.' She then made her way over to me. 'You look new. First time?'**_

'_**Yeah,' I admitted. 'Paul Slater. You?'**_

'_**Emily,' she replied shaking my hand. Whoa, large hands for someone who was approximately 5'8'. 'Nice to meet you. '**_

I groaned, wanting so badly to shout out 'HE HAS PUBIC LICE. STAY AWAAAAAAAAY.'

But, um, I didn't.

_**Emily then jumped on the back of Jason and said, 'Alright, let's motor, Skippy.'**_

_**Maybe she's not the sanest of people either. Although, she DID give the ol' gnads a quick glance, so she can't be THAT insane.**_

_**The two set off laughing hysterically, and Bruce and Trent followed.**_

'_**You coming, Slater?' Trent asked. I guess he considered us sort of friends since I told off a nun.**_

'_**Uh, yeah,' I said, 'I'll catch up to you later then, okay?'**_

'_**Yeah,' he said and then ran after Bruce and Jason and Emily.**_

_**I think we're alone now, Suzie-Q.**_

Great, LEAVE ME WHY DON'T YOU?

I stared after her helplessly. I guessed that it probably wouldn't have been tactful to intrude on Em's and Gothy's reunion, but still, uhhhh.

I watched ruefully as the other guys that accompanied Paul also ran ahead. One of them yelled out 'SHIT SUCK' as he left.

I sighed, and again tugged down on my shirt, over my butt. I didn't really have anything to say.

I was leaning more towards kicking him in the nuts and skipping away Dorothy-style, but I thought better of it.

'Er,' I said, 'Nice guys.'

Unlike the one I'm with now.

'Considering,' I added reasonably.

'_**They're not as bad as I thought they could be,' I said, swinging my arm up and around Suze's shoulders, 'well, except for that Jason guy. He's kind of psycho.'**_

I winced, and pulled away kind of sharpish. 'No touching,' I said gruffly.

I'm trying to elongate my shirt so my stupid shorts don't show.

I glared at him. 'Jason's cool,' I said a little defensively. 'A little . . . horny,' I shrugged, thinking about his Playboy magazine and his Paris Hilton lust, 'But cool.'

'_**Suze,' I stressed, placing my hands in my pocket, 'you can get the EXACT same qualities in me, and I look better. Come on.'**_

I gave him a scornful look. 'What? I never said I was going to MARRY him or anything,' I snapped, 'I just said he was cool. More than I can say for you.'

A huge horn sounded, probably indicating for any cabin dwellers to get their ass into gear and move to the main hall. I saw that Emily and the guys up ahead had made it in.

Behind, there were two girls screaming and were shoving each other. One fell and rolled into the lake. The other started swearing at her.

'Um,' I pointed absently at them, wondering whether to help, but deciding against it. 'Anyway,' I said, 'I'm late.'

'_**I'll come with you then,' I said. 'We're at the same camp, Suze. Remember?' I began walking towards the building. 'Skittle?' I attempted lamely.**_

I shrugged. 'Whatever,' I said. I needed the sugar.

_**She accepted the Skittle, but only after inspecting it, as if I had poisoned it. Right. Because I was just the type of guy to poison a food, give it to the girl I want, and then screw her 'till the cows come home.**_

_**Oh, wait. I AM the type of guy who would do that. I mean, according to Suze. God, I'm not LIKE that.**_

_**I figured since she was so willing to take the Skittles, she might take this other offer I had.**_

'_**Friends?' I asked nonchalantly. Deep down inside, though, in the place where not many people think I even had, this meant a whole lot. See, if Suze didn't want me as a boyfriend, I at least wanted her as a friend. She'd learn then that I'm not the guy she has me made out to be.**_

I raised my eyebrows at him. 'You gave me a Skittle, Paul. Quit while you're ahead.'

I looked up at the hall where Miffy was standing at the door still, glaring out at everyone. Two girls streaked past me and Paul - clothed, guys, not like, Emily's type of streaking - swearing their heads off at each other. I looked in slight astonishment.

'I really don't belong here,' I groaned. 'You, maybe. But not me. I mean, I at least make an effort to keep my near-insanity to myself.'

_**'I belong here?' I asked, keeping my pace steady even though I just wanted to drag Suze off and deck the hell out of her. God, why was she so frustrating? What did I have to do to make her realize that I'm NOT that homicidal guy she thinks I am? At this point, she liked Jason better than she did me. And HE'S the one making the statement of cutting.**_

_**'What exactly have I done that would merit invitation to this loony bin?' I asked Suze, my tone completely calm. It was the one thing I KNEW I could do well. Keep calm, I mean.**_

'Cussed to a nun . . . tried to kill me . . . left your brother in the Sh - ' I began, but he cut me off, very indignant.

_**'ALWAYS the same story with you, isn't it, Suze?' I asked, getting angrier by the moment. Miffy was sweeping people into the main hall. Gosh, Suzie and I might be late. 'Why can't you just accept the fact that a guy can change? Why can't you accept that I"VE changed?'**_

I tossed my Madagascar red hair, and shrugged him off. 'Right,' I said.

_**I dropped my hands down to my side, and my shoulders slumped. 'That's not an answer, Suze,' I said, finally showing a tiny bit of angry emotion.**_

'YOU TWO, GET IN HERE!' Miffy roared ferociously.

I blanched nonchalantly, as we reached the foot of the stairs. She/he/it was glaring down at us in abject fury. She kept looking at Paul's pants. God, if she looked at mine and saw how tight they were, I'd freak . . .

I tugged the top down once more.

_**'Our apologies, Miffster,' I said in the most dignified tone I could muster. God, she kept EYEING my crotch. Is this how Suze feels when I look at her in that way? Disgust? Or is it flattery?**_

_**Who cares?**_

_**'Anyway, we better get in there. Don't want to miss anything. It being our first time and all,' I said, grabbing Suze's hand and pulling her into the hall with me.**_

Okay, Miffy is really weird. She was still looking at Paul's pants as we went through the door - WHY IS PAUL HOLDING MY HAND?

I yanked it away, and was just about to snap something about personal space, when I saw the room full of kids.

Uh . . . ours wasn't the only bus, obviously.

'Um,' I said. 'That's a lot of head cases.'

_**'Yeah,' I said stopping from my light jog. There were eight long tables each completely filled. The incessant chattering caused a dull roar to fill the room. I could just imagine. This WHOLE experience was gonna put the FU in FUN.**_

_**'Where do you think we should sit?' I asked looking around.**_

We.

Eww.

Wincing, I looked around. Emily and Jason's table was packed, save one seat. There were two tables at the back.

Lonerize Paul, and sit with Em? Or go with him to the back benches?

I looked up at Paul. 'Um - '

_**It didn't actually matter WHERE we wanted to sit because at that moment, two camp counselors came rushing at us as if they were practicing some football defensive move.**_

_**'Do the two of you have nametags?' the first counselor asked.**_

_**'Uh, no,' I answered for the both of us. I figured Suze didn't have one either.**_

_**'Okay, then. W-What is your name?' the one asked me.**_

_**She was standing at least five feet away from me. Ha, this was great. She thought I was gonna pull a knife out at any moment. Pfft. Like I even have one.**_

_**Oh, wait. Yeah, I do. Pocket knife.**_

_**'I can help you, Miss,' the other, slightly uglier counselor said to Suze.**_

_**'Paul Slater,' I said loudly over the talking of the other camp kids.**_

**_Hurriedly, the counselor, whose name happened to be Hillary, passed me the name tag which said, Hello! I'm: Paul Slater. I've learned to give hugs, not drugs_**

_**God save us.**_

_**'You have to sit over at that table over there,' Hillary pointed out to me.**_

_**I turned around and saw the table she was talking about.**_

_**'You are all alphabetized. That table is for R's-T's. There should be a little name card at your spot.'**_

_**'Thanks,' I said, making my way over towards the table. I was hesitant to leave Suze, but what was I going to do? We both had last names beginning with S anyway**_

'I'm Suze Simon,' I said, mortified.

My one said Hey! I'm: Suze Simon. Boozers are losers.

A bunch of people were looking at the both of us. Everyone was now looking at MY shorts, in disgust. Oh, God . . .

We got to a table, where there were three spaces available. S. Simon, P. Slater and G. Seaton.

'He's not coming,' a girl, who saw I was staring at the tag, said matter-of-factly, 'He offed himself.'

'Um,' I said, freaked. 'That's NICE.'

However, Emily kind of grumpily appeared next to me. 'They caught me sneaking to another table,' she said with a slight grin. She sat in G's spot.

Eww . . . G's spot . . .

G spot.

Uh . . . ignore me.

_**'Hey, Saddler,' I said as she took the seat next to Suze's. Maybe I could use Emily as a device to make Suze jealous. Ha, right. As if Emily would make Suze jealous.**_

_**Worth a shot though, right?**_

Emily shot a kind of, do-I-know-y...oh-YOU look at Paul, before nodding happily.

The chatter was so loud by now. 'How you know Jason?' she asked me.

'We met outside the bus,' I said. 'While he was buying porn.'

Emily looked over at him proudly. 'Aaah,' she grinned. 'That's m'Jase.'

_**'So what exactly goes down at these meetings?' I asked Emily. I looked around and noticed no one was getting up on the stage yet to address us or anything. Failures. 'You've been here before right?'**_

'Certainly have,' Emily answered smugly over me. I was in the middle of both of them and all.

'They attempt to tell us what we can and can't do on camp,' Emily went on, tossing her light brown ponytail back, 'Even though no one listens. They assure us that they'll exact punishment for the law-breakers - but we're delinquents. We actually know a thing or two about not getting caught, you know?'

I laughed a little.

'THEN,' she went on, 'They introduce the gay-assed counselors that are working us through our issues. I made mine cry twice last time,' she sniggered.

'Paul made a nun cry,' I felt it necessary to mention. He went a little red.

Emily looked impressed. 'Whoa . . . ' she leant over to see his name-tag, '. . . Slater. You're worthy of a shine. A NUN?'

_**'Uh,' I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, and scratched at my neck, 'yeah,' I finished with an insincere/uncomfortable grin.**_

'I,' I tried to get into the habit of gloating about my many mistakes, 'caused half of my school to crash down overnight. And I decapitated the statue of Junipero Serra in our Mission.'

What? So what if that wasn't ME, so much as me making a loser ghost so bad that THEY did it?

Em looked in awe. Her eyes lit up. 'I think I'm in love,' she linked arms with me.

. . . Again, with the lesbian tendencies . . . I laughed a little uncomfortably.

_**I sighed in mock bliss.**_

_**'Yeah,' I said wrapping my arm around Suze's shoulders too, "me too. Suze is just one of those loveable people.'**_

Now Paul was acting like a lesbian too. My God.

My face went blank in mild disgust. Um . . . please get off of me, humans.

I mean, human and Paul.

_**Before she could protest, or cause slight swelling to my forearm from hitting it, a camp counselor, who was DEFINITELY male, walked up onto the stage, tapped on the microphone, and said cheerily, 'Hey, all. Is this thing on? Can you hear me?'**_

_**A hush began to sweep through the room, but not before an obnoxious kid could shout an obscenity involving shutting his mouth.**_

_**He was hauled away from the table and probably taken to the guidance office or something.**_

_**When the guy on stage was given the thumbs up sign, he continued on what I knew was going to be this long, pointless spiel about friendship and love.**_

**_'Good, good,' he said, clapping his hands together once. 'Alright then, I am Counselor Martin, the head of Camp Happy Face, and I would like to welcome you all to another fun-filled, relationship-building year.'_**

Emily retrieved her arm, rolling her eyes.

_**'Now,' he continued, 'I trust you all realize that the reason you have been sent here is because you have done something that was out of line, harmful, or just plain dangerous. Hopefully, you all regret your actions.'**_

_**A light murmur of laughter started. One guy from the A-C table even shouted, 'YOU SUCK!'**_

_**'Not suck, Benninger,' Counselor Martin said, chuckling lightly. 'But achieve. I strive to**_

_**achieve self-actualization, and strive to be the BEST person I can be. That's what we do here at Camp Happy Face. We make it so then you, as an individual, strive to achieve self-actualization instead of chaos. And for the past thirty-five years this camp has been active, we have achieved this in some individuals. Others--' he chuckled again. All his chuckling was pissing me off. '--just seem to take a little more time.'**_

Snoooooooooooore . . .

**_Some more talking began to take place, and I rested my head in my hand that was attached to the arm I had resting on the table. This was going to be boring and gay._**

_**Just like de Silva.**_

_**'Okay, now, I realize that a lot of you are becoming restless and want to get going with our fun activities and other things, but there are some rules that need to be gone over.'**_

_**Multiple groans and a, 'This is BULLSHIT!' were heard above the rest of the buzz that was talking.**_

_**'Rule number one,' Counselor Martin began, pacing the stage with the microphone in hand. 'The counselors, therapists, and Marine personals are your authority while you are here. You are to respect all of them especially the Marines that will come here occasionally. I trust that no one here will have to be punished by the Marines.'**_

_**'Rule number two: no drugs, needles, knives, food, razors, metal, sharp edges, etc. are allowed to be kept on hand. Visit the main administrative office for a complete list of what can and cannot be held.'**_

Can guys hold their penises at all on this camp? Jeez . . .

I mean, what if Paul wants to masturbate? Do they REALLY want to stifle his becoming of a woman?

_**'Rule number three,' Martin continued, 'there are to be no guests of the opposite sex in the cabins at ANY time. If you are found out to have had one, the consequences will be SEVERE.'**_

Emily will be content with that. It's discriminating against homosexuals, after all.

WHAT IF SHE GOES BOTH WAYS?

Lordie . . .

_**I gave a seductive wink to Suze, and then turned my gaze back towards the stage.**_

Eww . . .

'Severe consequences,' I reminded him harshly. 'If THEY don't castrate you for sneaking into my dorm, I certainly will.'

_**'You would never castrate me, Simon,' I whispered back her way. 'You like them too much.'**_

HUH? SAY WHAAAH?

_**'Rule number four: no sexual interaction with ANYONE at ANYTIME.'**_

_**No sexual interaction? What kind of lame rule is that? Half the people have STD's anyway, so what does it matter?**_

'**_Rule number five: camp uniforms must be worn at ALL times. The only times it will be acceptable to not where them is during 1.) swimming, but even then, the uniform swimming suit must be donned, and 2.) the end of camp formal dance,' Martin droned on._**

WHAT ABOUT SLEEP TIME!

'No streaking for you,' I whispered to Emily solemnly. 'You won't be able to take your clothes off. Pity.'

She snorted.

_**One of the counselors ran up to Martin and whispered something in his ear. He laughed, 'Oh, yes. I forgot. Sleep wear is your choice. And speaking of sleep, rule number six is no one is to be out of their ASSIGNED cabin after lights out which is 8 o'clock. Routine cabin checks will be every night where the other counselors and I will search each cabin to check that you all are sleeping peacefully.'**_

Thank God. If I have to SLEEP in these shorts, ears will be severed.

_**'Rule number seven,' he stated, 'if you are out at night, make sure you have a traveling buddy.'**_

_**Traveling buddy?**_

_**I turned back towards Suze, and rubbed my hand reassuringly on her thigh. Maybe it was a little higher than was polite, and maybe it wasn't exactly reassuring, but what did I care?**_

_**'Don't worry, Suze. I'll be your traveling buddy,' I said sensually.**_

_**She had NICE legs.**_

I looked sideways at him in shock. 'Wh - '

**_'We'll be good for each other,' I continued, also continuing with my running my hand up and down her thigh. I saw her kind of seize up, letting me know that I was indeed having an affect on her. She gritted her teeth, trying to stare ahead ignorantly. I dipped my hand lower, and I actually saw her shiver._**

_**Nice one, Slater.**_

**_'We'll comfort each other when we're scared. We'll protect each other when we're in danger. Or, you know, protect each other when we finally screw each other senseless. Oh, and of course, we'll have each other's back. You know, if you're in need of sexual pleasure, I'll be there. And if I'm in need of a good blow, you'll –'_**

Previous to that last statement, I was kind of wordless, due to the horribly good sensations that were rocketing my nervous system. However, on THAT line, I too got feisty beneath the table.

I balled my fist, and punched him really hard. In a certain place.

'Aww, pity, there's nothing left to blow,' I snapped under my breath.

Note to self: CHOP OFF HAND ASAP.

His knee bashed upwards in pain.

Emily looked over at him, one eyebrow raised.

**_I let out a pathetic whimper, but forgive me, I mean, my gnads had just been abused for NO good reasons except that Suze was finding them hard to resist._**

_**'Oh, fuck,' I hissed kind of loudly. Excuse the obscenity, but if you don't have a penis, you have no idea what it's like. 'Shit, why did you have to punch me TH--'**_

**_Did I mention my voice kind of was a bit squeaky? Thanks a LOT, SUUUUUSIE._**

I smiled lightly, looking ahead.

Paul looked the picture of constipation, then. 'Keep your hands to yourself,' I told him.

'**_Same to you,'_** **_I bit back. You can ONLY have your hands there when you're NOT trying to pulverize my manhood, Suze._**

'What's going on?' Emily asked in confusion.

'Nothing,' I said.

I started paying attention again up the front. ' . . . Number eight, no endangering the life of another camper.'

'_**Yeah,' I scowled at Suze.**_

His penis was his life? Oops, my bad.

'Rule number nine: Remember the four C's: Courtesy, Consideration, Cooperation, and Common Sense, guys! And rule number ten?' He drew himself up tall, 'wear your happy faces!'

Miffy burped loudly.

One of the therapists started to clap, and grudgingly, everyone else followed on.

'Okay, campers! Half an hour, and we want you back here for your first meal okay?'

No one listened, as suddenly a chorus of screeching chairs accosted the air. I stood up very quickly, and moved away from Paul, hoping that my thigh would from now on remain _un-_pleasured when I was trying to listen to – well, ignore – the person speaking.

Jason joined me and Emily again. 'Oi, Saddler, you told our newbie about the CHF ghostie?' he grinned.

'Oooh!' Emily looked perky, 'Nope, not yet.'

Hands suddenly slid around my waist, and I twisted my head and saw that they were – MIFFY'S.

Kidding, Paul's.

'What are y – '

'_**Ghosts?' I overrode her with a smirk. What? I was playing up for Jason, after all. Help him keep his suicidal eyes off of my girl. 'Go on?'**_

_**Suze went kind of still, in a stiff way. **_

**_Emily laughed. 'Our camps haunted. If you've been here before, you'll know. Apparently a long time ago a woman died on these grounds. She was a witch, and she was burnt for it. And to this day, she wants to exact her revenge against the one who accused her of such crimes.'_**

'_**Even though she WAS one,' Jason shrugged.**_

'Right,' I said weirdly. 'Paul, let go pl – '

'_**How you know all of this?' I asked a little skeptically. I mean, I'd be a bit more impressed if I couldn't already SEE the dead.**_

'_**Seen her,' Emily said.**_

'_**Have you?' I asked Jason a little scornfully.**_

_**He didn't answer for a second. 'Uh, yeah,' he muttered. 'Just the, uh, once.'**_

'**_She was all white and smoky,' Emily assured me. 'And she was going, "Braaaaaaaains . . . braaaaaaaaaaaaaains . . . " and – '_**

'_**She was not.'**_

**_'It's just a gh –'_**

_**'Were you not listening to Counselor Martin at all, Mr. Slater?' Miffy asked, walking over to our dysfunctional little posse. She yanked my hands off of Suze, to my dismay; Jason's pleasure, and said, 'No sexual interaction at Camp Happy Face.'**_

_**She then stalked off giving me another glance.**_

_**THAT was sexual interaction?**_

_**. . . My God.**_

'She's good for something,' I said in disgust to Paul.

AFTER she'd walked away, that is.

_**I shook my head, and distanced myself once again from Suze, and tried again. 'It's just a ghost story though, right?' I asked. 'Emily, you could have seen anything. And you--' I said motioning towards Jason. '--well, you're one of those pessimistic/out of their minds type people. Who knows what the hell you saw.'**_

Jason raised his eyebrows in affront. 'Whatever,' he responded, adding something under his breath.

'Whatever,' Emily shrugged. 'I know what I saw. But I think the scariest thing about this camp is when we go swimming and a chick has her period and tries to get out of it, Miffy makes them prove it.'

_**'So what exactly do we do for a half an hour at this place?' I asked no one in particular. I looked around. A couple kids were playing with a hackey sack. Some others were trying to shove another kid into a garbage can. And if I weren't distracted by some counselors freaking out on Bruce, I might have noticed the shimmer of something materializing just a few meters away.**_

Was that a -

Nah.

**_'Well,' Jason began with hostility. He was I guess still angry about my previous statement, 'those of us that are not going after girls who OBVIOUSLY are not interested, we usually just take a walk, or start a game of "Annoy the Counselors".'_**

God bless Jason Martnik.

_**Jackass.**_

_**Why did he even feel the need to interfere in a situation that was definitely between just Suze and I? It didn't matter though, because I was going to be the mature one in the situation. I was going to be the man. I was going to be passive aggressive.**_

_**'Alright then, why don't we go for a w--'**_

_**It was at that moment that I heard the distinct sound of splintering wood.**_

_**I cut myself off mid sentence and looked around. Sure enough, above us was some sort of ghost using her unearthly powers to break the roof right above Suze.**_

_**I had only mere seconds to act and think. The roof collapsed, and before it could claim Suze, I rushed into her, placing both of us out of harms way.**_

_**Oh, yeah. And me on top of her.**_

Uh, okay . . . WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR? I was just standing there, when Paul totally leapt at me and knocked me to the ground. Granted, he'd kind of cradled my head with his hands so it didn't bash against the floor, but STILL -

Then, I heard a tremendous crash.

Oh.

When everything settled, the whole room was quiet. Then some people started cheering.

'Do it again!' this guy yelled.

I blinked up at Paul in complete alarm. 'Ghost?' I whispered, to which he nodded very discretely. 'Damn.'

_**I cupped her face with one of my hands.**_

_**'You okay?' I asked frightened for somebody else for once. 'I didn't mean to come at you so quickly, it was just the r--'**_

_**But I never finished my compassionate thought. Because Miffy roared, 'PAUL SLATER!'**_

_**And then, I swear to God, I was being LIFTED up and off of Suze by the back of the neck of my shirt. And MIFFY was doing the lifting.**_

_**'Mr. Slater, do you ENJOY disrespecting authority?' it asked, still hanging onto me by my shirt. I was nearly choking.**_

_**'Uh, NO,' I tried to choke out, but the Miffster interrupted me again.**_

_**'Then again, shoulda known. Once a nun disser, always a nun disser.'**_

_**I violently removed her hand from my shirt. Finally, air.**_

**_'In case you haven't noticed, SIR, the roof just caved in. I was saving a girl's LIFE.'_**

_**'You, Mr. Slater,' Miffy hissed, actually spitting at me in the process. I flinched and wiped it off my face. 'Are in direct violation of rules numbered one, four, and eight. It's off to the isolation chamber for you.'**_

_**'Isolation WHAT?' I flipped. 'God, what don't you understand, I didn't DO anything wrong!'**_

_**'Shut it, Slater,' Miffy commanded, and I just did.**_

I tried to kind of protest, as I stood up shakily, 'That thing could have killed me!'

Miffy looked unbothered by this. 'This isn't a very safe campsite,' I tutted. 'My mother won't be very happy with the lack of safety that this camp has to offer. I mean, she's a reporter. She thrives off mistakes like that. And I don't think she'll appreciate the fact that you are blatantly punishing someone who just saved me from being crushed to death - '

'Suze Simon,' Miffy read my nametag angrily, 'Shut your mouth.'

. . . Well, I tried.

_**It was at about that time, I heard the faint sound of laughter. My blood boiled at this time, and someone had the nerve to LAUGH at me? I turned around and looked for the laughing jerk who was cruisin' for a bruisin' as I was being carried away.**_

_**Sure enough, it wasn't anyone ALIVE doing any of the laughing. Because right above the fallen roof floated the ghost of a witch.**_

I glared furiously at Miffy. 'But that's not f - '

Then, I saw Paul staring at something. I looked past Miffy . . .

Nothing there. Paul had looked away, and was glowering.

_**There wasn't much I could do at the moment because, uh, Miffy was holding my hand and dragging me along to the isolation chamber.**_

_**I decided to remove all thoughts of Suze, the ghost, this damn camp, and focus on more IMPORTANT things.**_

_**Like for instance, besides masturbating, what can a guy do by himself for four hours in isolation?**_


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter five won't take long.

Love Lolly and Emily.

- 8 -

'_**You're in here for a half an hour, Mr. Slater. Next time you commit an offense, it'll be longer.'**_

_**And with that, Miffy slammed the door of the isolation room, leaving me to wallow in impenetrable darkness.**_

_**Well, there was ONE window providing enough light so I could see my way around the room. It also appeared to be sound proof.**_

_**I looked down at my wrist, expecting to check the time, but forgot that I wasn't wearing my watch. Great, Slater. You're a real survivalist.**_

_**So there I sat on a bench they had so graciously provided, with my eyes closed and trying to pass the time quickly.**_

_**I must have been there for about two minutes when the sound of dripping water penetrated my ears. It wasn't running water. It was that kind of drip where between each drop there was the exact same time between them.**_

_**They weren't trying to teach me my lesson in here; they were trying to kill me. And not even in an American way. They were using the Chinese torture device. Sure, the water wasn't dripping on my forehead, but it may as well have been.**_

_**Drip . . . drip . . . drip . . . drip.**_

_**Trying to ignore the sound, I turned away from its direction. But that didn't do anything. I placed my hands over my ears, and scrunched my eyes shut, but that didn't work either.**_

_**Well, there was only one thing a guy could do in a situation such as this to keep his sanity.**_

_**Yep, you guessed it. Or maybe you didn't because a lot of you probably don't know I'm extremely talented in this area.**_

_**The air guitar.**_

_**I decided to practice something I hadn't worked on in awhile, just to, you know, hone my skills correctly.**_

_**So whipping out the Quiet Riot songs from the back of my head, I began playing my claim to fame "Cum On Feel The Noise." Not before setting the mood for concert mode. Because, um, when you're in isolation away from civilization, you just have to have a concert.**_

_**Well, it, uh, made sense to me before I started.**_

'Miffy is SUCH a cun - '

'CUNning person,' Jason broke Emily off hastily. 'Cunning.'

Emily stiffened. 'I mean, Slater TOTALLY saved your ass, Suze. And she was all - '

I'm sorry to say, but I agreed. I mean, there was no denying that I hated Paul. But there was also no denying that I could have very well been crushed, and he prevented that.

By knocking me over, landing on top of me and copping a feel . . . but prevention all the same.

So I was also kind of annoyed at Miffy's anal-retentiveness.

The three of us were wandering back to our respective cabins, past the lake. We had about forty minutes till dinner was on.

'My feet are sore. Wanna go soak?' Emily asked Jason. He nodded, and the pair of them started walking to the lake edge.

I ran after them a little. I could help but feel like I was interrupting something between the two of them, all the time. It was kind of uncomfortable. Like I didn't belong, because I hadn't been there the previous camp or something, and I couldn't relate to either of them.

I dunno . . . it was just awkward.

'So,' Emily gestured towards me, as she began removing her shoes and socks. She sat on the jetty, and dangled her feet over. 'Tell us about yourself, Suze. As much as we dig the mysterious red head thing, we wanna know.'

'We do?' Jason asked.

'We do,' Emily said.

I shrugged. 'Nothing to tell, really. I mean . . . I don't really think I should be here as such. I'm . . . aggressive, I guess, but it's not REALLY an issue. Well, maybe to the person that I'm punching at the time, but that's about it.'

Jason laughed. 'Note to self: Don't piss Suze off.'

I shrugged, as I too joined Emily in the foot-dangling.

'I have three step-brothers,' I said boredly. 'I call the names from the Seven Dwarves. And Dopey calls me Queen of the Night People, so we're even. Whether that's because he thinks I'm in a gang like Sleepy does, or because he thinks I'm a street walker, I'm still trying to figure out.'

'I was in a gang once,' Jason said. 'It was horrible.'

Emily raised her eyebrows. 'Tell?'

'Well, we liked to call ourselves a gang,' Jason muttered, sniggering. 'Trying to dress up "The Chess Club" is not a crime, after all.'

'So no gangbanging,' Emily said sadly.

'Nup.'

Em turned to me, her pink streak catching in the fading sun. 'So, Suze. You smoke?'

I wrinkled my nose. 'I did once...hated it.'

'Smoking's for losers,' Jason agreed.

'Yes,' Emily said. 'Like Kristy Duncan. You met her before. She was the gay-assed bitch who hung around with Fatty. Her name's Matilda, but no one calls her that.'

'Is anything not gay-assed?' I asked Emily. 'I mean . . . is everything really homosexually inclined to have anal sex with each other?'

Em and Jason looked at each other, and then cracked up.

'Cute, Simon,' Emily clapped me on the back, almost knocking me into the water. 'Very cute.'

'_**Hello, Seattle! Are you ready to ROCK!' I shouted, my air guitar in hand.**_

_**Before hand, I had prepared myself in the form of ripping my sleeves off my shirt (I only had a billion other ones anyway), tying them together, and then wrapping them around my head, like a typical 80's rocker would look like.**_

_**That, or your typical, sad, sad, eighteen year old.**_

_**Making loud applause noises, I raised my air guitar above my head and pumped it into the air a couple times.**_

'_**Seattle,' I said, bringing my air guitar down once again, 'this one is for you.'**_

_**And then, I began to strum my air guitar, and sing "Cum on Feel the Noize."**_

_**Strumming ecstatically, I began singing, 'Come on feel the noize/Girls ROCK your boys/We'll get wild, wild, wild/Wild, wild,wild!'**_

_**Adding some guitar licks I created myself, I continued with the first verse, 'So you think I've got an evil mind, I'll tell you honey/I don't know why/I don't know why.'**_

_**Jumping down from the bench, I began furiously playing the air guitar on my knees with my back leaned back. I then continued with the song, 'So you think my singing's out of time, it makes me money/I don't know why/I don't know why anymore/ Oh no.'**_

'**_Come on, Seattle, sing with me!' I shouted again, this time, I began clapping my hands above my head, singing loudly, 'Come on feel the noise/Girls ROCK your boys/We'll get wild, wild wild/Wild, wild, wi—'_**

'_**Mr. Slater?'**_

_**Immediately, I turned toward the door, and ripped my sleeves off my head. Um, busted. Busted SO badly.**_

'_**Uh, yeah?' I tried to say in a calm manner.**_

'_**Slater, what the HELL do you think you're doing?' Miffy asked, one masculine eyebrow raised. On normal people, that would mean both. But Miffy only had one that connected across her forehead.**_

_**I ran my hand through my hair, trying to flatten it from where it stuck up due to my shirt sleeves. 'Um, just, uh, sitting here, you know. Waiting for my time to be up.'**_

_**She looked at me in such a way that said she had DEFINITELY seen me rock out with my cock out. I didn't even know I had that in me.**_

'_**Well, your time's done,' Miffy said to me. 'Head on over to the mess hall if you DON'T want to spend more time in here.'**_

_**Scrambling to my feet as quickly as possible, I said, saluting her, 'Yes, sir—I MEAN, ma'am.'**_

_**And I got the HELL out of there.**_

'ALL RIGHT, CAMP SCUM, DINNER,' Miffy's voice echoed near and far, across the land. Or, um, you know, the camp site.

Jason, Em and I looked over at her boredly.

'Definitely a man,' Jason concluded.

We all stood up, put our shoes back on, and went back over to the hall. Wow, time had gone really quick. Maybe these twelve weeks WOULD be bearable...?

As this one chick got to the door, however, she was wearing a mini-skirt beneath her top, instead of her uniform shorts.

One would think that Miffy is a reasonable enough human being to yell at her, and send her back to her dormitory to change. Well . . . if you thought that, you lead a sheltered life.

Like I did, until that moment.

Oh, Miffy yelled at her.

'WHAT IS THAT, BENNETT?' she demanded, her voice a dull roar of a large, aggressive, ugly animal.

'Um,' the girl, whose last name was obviously Bennett, raised her eyebrows as coolly as she could, 'Skirt. Shorts didn't fit me, Miffy.'

'I think you KNOW the rules WELL ENOUGH, seeing as I've been seeing your ass since EIGHTH GRADE,' Miffy shouted, 'that you GO TO THE UNIFORM BAY TO GET THE RIGHT STUFF!'

And with that, she yanked Bennett's skirt right down. The poor girl screamed loudly, pulling her shirt over her underwear in horror. And then she scampered away, terrified.

I was aghast.

'Pay up,' Jason said.

'What?' I was still stunned.

'Damn,' Emily scowled, and shelled out twenty bucks to Jason.

'I bet that she would do that on the first day,' Jason explained. 'Emily said second.'

'I thought with all the calls the camp received, she'd . . . wait,' Emily said, bummed out.'

'You think phone calls will stop MIFFY?' Jason laughed. 'How wrong you are, my little friend.'

_**As I ran to the main hall for the evening meal (if you can even consider what they serve here a 'meal'), I reflected on my time back in isolation. Sure, I didn't exactly learn anything, but under the circumstances, it could have been worse. I wasn't damaged physically, and I hadn't gone insane.**_

_**Well, not that insane anyway.**_

_**And, sure, I could never listen to Quiet Riot in the same way EVER again, and my ego will never be able to repair itself ever again. But all things considered, it wasn't too bad.**_

_**Which was a good thing. Because at my stay here at Camp Happy Face, I planned on letting my rebellious streak fly free.**_

_**Especially now that we knew it was haunted.**_

_**I took a seat at my designated spot, and ran a hand through my hair.**_

_**Just as I entered, some big to do occurred. I could hear Miffy shouting from all the way in here.**_

_**My condolences to whomever was receiving the lecture . . . poor bastard.**_

Back in the hall, I saw that the walls along the far side was COVERED with trays and trays of steaming camp food.

'Don't touch the lasagna,' Jason hissed at me. 'We think it's drugged. Emily reckons they chuck kids in it. Because that is NOT minced meat.'

'And steer clear of the corn,' Emily said. 'They use human manure to grow it. I'm sorry, but I'd rather eat something that hasn't come into contact with my own shit.'

I giggled a little.

Jason, Em and I sat at one of the back tables. I felt something against my knee. I turned around, and I saw Paul sitting there, looking a little tired.

His shirt was ripped.

'Oh my GOD,' I breathed, horrified, 'What did Miffy DO to you?'

_**'Huh?' I asked, turning towards the human voice that dared speak to me.**_

_**It was Suze. And apparently she wanted to know what happened to my shirt.**_

_**I kept hearing that "Honesty is the best policy" mantra in my head, but somehow I seriously doubted that Suze would find me any more stable if she knew I had just stepped off tour a half-hour ago.**_

_**'Oh, um, that,' I remarked, once again running a hand through my hair. 'Miffy didn't touch me – ' Yeah, but she WANTED TO – 'I've been in isolation for the last half-hour, remember? I was in isolation because, oh, why was it? Oh, yeah. That's right. I saved YOUR ass, so they put me in isolation. Now I remember.'**_

I rolled my eyes. 'You didn't HAVE to save me. I could have done it myself.'

I turned back to Emily, but then felt bad for sounding ungrateful and bitchy.

'Thanks,' I threw at him stiffly.

_**I smiled in her general direction. 'That's two you owe me, Simon,' I mused, getting up to grab something from the food line. They had to at least have Mountain Dew or something of that nature. I'll take narcotics at this point.**_

'Hang on - what?' I demanded, going after him. 'Two? Two what's? And what for?'

_**'Well,' I explained, walking up to the salad/fruit bar. There had to at least be something edible there. Plus, I was actually famished due to my concert that we won't speak of ever AGAIN, 'I saved you from that beam, which is one. And I saved you from having to sit with some psycho on the bus. That's two.'**_

'That does NOT c - ' I began furiously, but went off on a tangent, 'Well, that makes up for the time when you left me stranded in hell. So we're completely even.'

However, as we were standing in line, he leaned over me, like, VERY closely. I sucked in a sharp breath, going dead quiet. He smirked a little, stayed there for longer than necessary, before drawing back up, an apple in his hand.

I blinked, wide-eyed.

_**'Two, Simon,' I restated, in case she forgot as she tends to do on more than a couple occasions. I tossed the apple into the air, caught it, and then added, 'And as far as what you're doing to make up for it goes . . . you're a creative girl. Use your imagination.'**_

I glared at him, grabbed his apple, very maturely threw it on the floor, and cut through the line up to the poultry and meat section.

_**'I guess we could chuck apples at the ground,' I called after her. 'But come on, Suzie. I know you better than that. Even you could come up with an activity way more fun and a hell of a lot more . . . arousing.'**_

I whipped my head around at him, shot him a cutting glare, and snuck into the line. However, it appeared that I'd pushed in front of Matilda, that really big girl whom Emily and Jason warned me away from.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' she demanded, sounding like the lovechild of Miffy and one of those people off of turned around. 'Oh, sorry,' I said.

Yeah, I was sorry all right. Especially when she shoved me ten feet so I skidded across the floor.

'NO ONE cuts in front of me,' she spat at me.

I looked over, and saw that Paul was smirking at me. As well as a bunch of the cutter girls. Humiliated and sore, I stood up grumpily and went to the back of the line. However, Paul's hand shot out as I passed him. He pulled me in front of him again.

_**'That's three,' I whispered in her ear. 'Now if you would kindly keep walking. You're holding up the rest of us. Oh, and pass me one of those grape clusters.'**_

I can't win.

Obligingly, I passed him some grumpily.

'You suck,' I informed him.

_**I grinned, and brushed her arm as I reached across it to grab a paper plate for all this fruit I was accumulating.**_

_**I laughed and muttered, 'Not so much 'suck' as I do 'blow'--'**_

I turned around furiously, and grabbed the front of his shirt. 'Look,' I hissed under my breath, 'I am already aware that my visit to Camp Happy Face is not going to be very enjoyable. But I swear, if you do ONE thing to make this time spent here even less pleasant, you will be sorry. I've kicked more ass in my time than you can imagine. So STOP - ' SEXUALLY HARASSING ME - 'PISSING ME OFF.'

Irately, I let go of his shirt. One of his grapes fell to the floor.

_**My mouth contorted into another grin. She was quite the charmer. If only she knew how much she effected me.**_

_**I wrapped my hand on the extended part of her face right under her chin. Smiling once more, I pulled her face towards mine, and gave her a quick, light kiss on her mouth. Even the short amount of contact had my lips feeling as if they touched an electrical wire.**_

I jolted, stunned.

_**'Sweetheart,' I said quietly, not wanting to attract unwanted attention in the form of Miffy, 'am I anything other than pleasant?'**_

'A jackass,' I informed him, after my lips had stopped tingling.

. . . AFTER we'd gotten dinner, I went back and sat down, sitting in between Emily and Jason, not particularly wanting to be stuck next to Paul for a whole meal, where he might violate my thighs again or something.

Digging into spaghetti on toast, and some baked potatoes and roasted veggies - no corn - I shot a look to the side and saw that Paul was talking to Emily under his breath, and she was grinning.

A white hot pang of something shot through me, but I ignored it fiercely, shoveling pasta into my mouth with determination.

_**'So, streaking then?' I asked Emily with an amused smirk. The people you meet at this camp are amazing. And she was even here from the east coast.**_

_**'Yeah,' Emily said loudly. I noticed she never talked in a six-inch voice. That or, you know, she was physically unable to do so. I was betting on the earlier. 'But I have ONLY done it in the form of protesting. That's it,' she informed me.**_

_**'I don't go flinging around my goods to anyone. They have to serve a purpose, you know? Besides, it is all to honor Will Ferrell in "Old School".'**_

_**I laughed, and, guilty, swept a quick glance over her 'goods'. Not too bad, considering half the time they were flying freely and not in a bra or anything.**_

Jason gave me a sideways look. I gave him one. We both caught eye-contact, before sighing.

'What?' we said at the same time.

I blinked, and he grinned. 'You go first,' I said.

He looked at his plate. 'Why are you here?' he asked. 'You don't seem . . . I mean, at all - you said you have issues, but that's all you've told us. Everyone has issues. Why were you really sent here, Suze?'

I shifted guiltily. What was I SUPPOSED to say?

I SEE DEAD PEOPLE. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. THEY WALK AROUND, LIKE REGULAR PEOPLE. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THEY'RE DEAD.

. . . Um, no. I mean, I know this was a crazy camp, but I didn't want him to think I was INSANE.

I bullshitted a little. 'I just . . . vandalise,' I explained. 'Stuff around the school, what not.'

Which isn't strictly true.

GHOSTS do that, when I get pushed into lockers, shoved out of windows, what not. THEY are the ones that crash the breezeway and decapitate founders of our school. THEY flood the courtyard when I, a little FORCEFULLY, try to shove them into their afterlife. THAT rip up tiles on the roof of the rectory when I sneak out to see Jesse and end up getting caught by some ghost who wants me to HELP them, and NOT suck face with my dead boyfriend.

It just sucks when, sometimes, I actually get CAUGHT for the stuff that my ghostly buddies do. Caught, and blamed.

Jason nodded a little. 'And seriously,' he continued, 'What is UP with him?'

He nodded discreetly at Paul.

_**'I've only ever gone streaking once,' I admitted to her. This information seemed to pique her interest.**_

_**'Really?'**_

_**'Yeah,' I said. 'It was a couple years ago at a house party, and we, meaning my friends and I, were pretty wasted. One of them bet I wouldn't ring the hot neighbor's doorbell and ask them if they had any extra towels. But I did. And then I ended up enjoying myself so much, that I was running one hundred meter dashes up and down the road.'**_

_**Emily started guffawing, and I laughed as well, but I kind of choked on my laughter when I heard the final words of what Suze had been talking about.**_

I shrugged. 'He just wants what he can't have,' I explained. Raising my voice a little, I said, 'He's a jerk-off, a freak, a sicko, someone who tried to kill his own brother, and he smells bad.'

Okay . . . that might have been a little heavy. I looked around, and saw that Paul's face had gone a little white.

Oops.

He stared at me blankly, for a second.

_**I could forgive her about saying I smelled bad. Suze says EVERYONE smells bad. And I could forgive her for calling me a jerk-off because let's face it, I like jacking off. But I could NOT forgive her for calling me a freak, a sicko, and a brother murderer. I drew the line there.**_

Emily, who'd been laughing before, stopped, and looked at Paul in shock. 'You what?' she asked in slight disgust. 'Dude, we all have issues, but - that's pretty low.'

Paul was still staring at me coldly.

I was starting to feel MAJORLY uncomfortable.

_**'Yeah, that is low,' I said, still glaring coldly at Suze. 'That's really low.'**_

_**Having gotten rid of the rest of my plate earlier, I only had my apple left. I picked it up, and said, 'It was a pleasure. Really. I'm gonna go retire. I'll see you all tomorrow. Or whenever.'**_

_**Because really. You can only be accused of murdering your brother so many times before you get fed up with it.**_

I watched as he stood up, no longer looking at me. People were filtering out already. The ones who didn't want dessert, and all. I watched him walk out of the hall, the apple still in his hand.

He left.

I looked down.

Emily and Jason were both staring at me.

'You're not serious,' Emily said to me.

Jason crossed his arms, leaving his hamburger abandoned.

I shuffled a little. 'Okay,' I sighed, 'That was a LITTLE bit of an exaggeration. Basically, me and Paul's little brother Jack were . . . in danger. And Paul just left us like that.'

Emily stared. 'But he didn't try to . . . KILL his bro, right?'

'Not directly,' I admitted. 'But I'm still angry at him for what he did.'

Jason looked stonily at me. 'Danger?' His eyes twinkled in curiosity.

I got a very strange feeling, suddenly. Like, he -

Hell no.

'Um,' I said, 'Yeah.'

I didn't want to go into specifics.

_**'I didn't try to kill my own brother!' I muttered angrily to myself as I exited the mess hall, and heard the muffled roar of the crowd inside.**_

_**In my anger, I kicked what I thought was a dirt clod, but turned out to be a rock.**_

_**I swore and continued my inaudible - well, they were louder as I got angrier at the situation - rant.**_

_**'I would never waste my energy on something so pathetic as Jack. The kid is a wimpy-ass mediator who has NOTHING going for him in the future. The only reason I left him in the Shadowland was because he needed hands on practice for taking care of himself. Plus, it really wouldn't have made a difference if he lived or died. No one would have missed him.'**_

_**I sighed, and continued my stroll back to my cabin. This was going to be a long experience here at CHF.**_


	5. Chapter Five

Em: This is Lolly and Emily here, once again reporting for duty.

This is what happens when you're hopped on the Q, as we say on the streets. A.K.A Neslie's Quick.

  
Lolly: What the hell, Em? I do NOT understand you.

Love, Em and Lolly.

- 8 -

I awoke to the sun streaming directly in my eyes. I winced against the light, turning around, because my face was burning.

Great. I would be awoken for the next twelve weeks to the lovely sensation of third degree burns on my face.

God knows my FEET have already had enough of that.

I sat up tiredly, and saw that Emily was still asleep, snoring very softly. Her hair was sprinkled all over her pillow, and she actually looked really pretty while she was asleep. Not that she didn't awake, but . . . she just looked peaceful. And innocent.

And like someone who HADN'T streaked repeatedly in her lifetime.

I smoothed down my own red hair, and hoped to God that I didn't have a face to match, thanks to the sun's killer rays. I slumped to the corner and grabbed my shower stuff and my change of clothes - MORE uniform - and headed for the shower blocks to wake myself up. It was almost six o'clock. I was very keen on showering before all the other less-than-benevolent girls showed up.

Once I'd washed off all of my sleepiness, I got out, my towel wrapped firmly around me. I dried, got changed, and headed back to my cabin, where Emily was STILL sleeping. Wow, this was exciting.

Sighing, I started to remember the night before, and instantly regretted what I'd said to Paul. I'm not a fan of guilt. It really eats at me. I have a CONSCIENCE, unlike some.

So, unhappily, I scrawled a note on the back of one of my precious note papers that mum gave me for letter writing, and I went jogging to the other side of the lake. Jason had told me where his cabin was, and that Paul in there too, so I knew where I was headed.

Once at cabin 666, I went to the window and peaked in.

Paul was still asleep, right below the glass.

God, he looked hot when he w -

SUZE.

He'd opened the window, presumably for air. I shoved the paper in, and then scampered away.

Because I'm sorry, but just because Paul left his brother for dead, it wasn't right for me to proclaim that around.

. . . And I felt badly about it. And if I was going to spend the next twelve weeks with him, I wanted him to be bearable.

I jogged a couple of times around the lake, before stopping, panting, and lying back on the jetty.

I shut my eyes again.

_**It had to have been around ten when I finally woke up. I hadn't waken up at ten since I was twelve or so.**_

_**Light filtered in through all the three windows in our cabin, causing me to flinch. I rubbed my eyes and reached for my bag.**_

_**'Paul, you better hurry up. We have archery in fifteen minutes,' Bruce informed me.**_

_**I commended him for not bursting an obscenity out, and then I proceeded to get dressed.**_

_**It wasn't until I was putting my watch on and straightening my sleeping bag when I noticed a piece of pink paper with 'Paul' scribbled on the front.**_

_**I cocked an eyebrow and thought to myself, "This should be interesting."**_

_**Unfolding it, I read:**_

_**"Paul: I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry about everything, as a matter of fact. I'm just so stupid sometimes. What I really wanted to say last night was that I want you to have your way with me. I want to FEEL your arousal caressing my inner-"**_

_**As Suze once asked me, "How ARE things on planet You Wish?"**_

_**Seriously, the letter just said this: "Paul. I'm sorry about last night. What I said was true-I mean, uncalled for, and I shouldn't have said it in front of all those people. My apologies, Suze."**_

_**Slightly more boring, and almost as unoriginal as the other Simpson daughter's material. I crumbled it up and chucked it in the trash basket. **_

_**Bullshit.**_

_**That's what I have to say to that heartfelt sentiment.**_

_**I shook it off and walked over to the archery range. It was completely ridiculous how they had all these 'organized' activities for all of the juveniles here. Most of us are of age anyway. But didn't they realize that if an adult tells a rebel to do something, the child's immediate reaction is to do the opposite? **_

_**So by organizing safe, FUN activities for the delinquents here, they are burying themselves deeper into the ground.**_

_**A group of kids, including Jason, Trent, and Bruce were hanging out by the equipment when I arrived. 'What's going on?' I asked Trent. 'We're waiting for instruction,' he answered, keeping his eyes directed at some girl a few meters away who looked like she could play punk rock princess to his garage band king. **_

_**I mean, prince. That song pisses me off for that reason. Get your royalty straight.**_

'Good point,' I said. 'Oh well . . . I already totally have a boyfriend.'

Emily's eyes sparked with interest. 'I'm assuming, not Slater.'

'GOD no,' I gagged. 'Nah, a guy called Jesse.'

She smiled prettily. 'With a name like that, it must be good.' I laughed and threw the other knuckle duster at her shoulder.

By the time Em and I finally got outdoors again, it was 10.15. I'd straightened my hair and everything. Emily said this was risky, seeing as Miffy apparently believed hair straighteners were dangerous for those who self harmed, but . . . oh well. I guess Le Miffster hadn't searched my bags hard enough. I did, however, find that some of my pad packets had been searched through.

How grossly violating.

The sun was beating down now, and the lake shimmered.

'So,' Em said, shoving me a little, 'Our group has archery.'

' . . . Group?' I asked.

'Yeah,' she said. 'We're in the M-S section. Our groups are all sorted by our last names. Jason's in ours, thank God. The M's just scraped in, because there's not many of them.'

'Uh huh,' I muttered slowly.

Em guided me out to the archery grounds. I saw that there were people flocking all around equipment. There were target boards for the arrows all lined up near the forest. Apparently, they were waiting for the supervisor to show up.

'I hope to God it's not Miffy,' Emily prayed under her breath.

'ALL RIGHT, MAGGOTS, STOP FOOLING AROUND,' a voice roared masculinely.

Emily groaned. 'Damn.'

_**I looked up. Okay, I'll admit, I wasn't exactly at peace with Miffy. Whatever it was, IT creeped me out. I still firmly believe that she/he would to rape me when no one was looking.**_

_**Note to Self: Stay with crowd.**_

_**I scanned over the people that were already there, and my eyes landed on her.**_

_**Yeah, her. That's one girl that I can DEFINITELY say is female.**_

_**However, seeing as I was less than impressed with HER at the moment, (not physically. Sorry, she was always very impressive physically,) I glared until she caught my eye, before looking away coldly. **_

_**As I've said, I don't like being accused of attempting homicide on Jack. **_

_**I've felt the very compulsive URGE to, sure. But I didn't go out of my way to try and kill him.**_

_**That would involve me caring about whether he was alive or not. And sorry, but I didn't particularly care about that.**_

_**Jason, who was trying to act cool around me - you know, not talking and crap, doing to the guy thing - suddenly grinned and ran over to Emily, jumping on her back and making her fall over. She started laughing.**_

_**Remind me to try that with Suze.**_

_**. . . Or not. **_

Jason suddenly showed up on the scene, nearly killing Emily in the process.

'Hey,' he grinned, attacking me by throwing an arm around my shoulders, 'You survived the night, Suze. Congrats.'

'MARTNIK!' Miffy yodelled, 'HANDS TO YOURSELF.'

Jason slid his arm away from me, unphased. 'Sorry Miff,' he yelled.

_**WHAT? So I get thrown in isolation for touching Suze, and HE DOESN'T?**_

_**I think there's a little bit of FAVORITISM going on. Miffy obviously doesn't punish the guys she/he/it doesn't want to screw until the early hours.**_

_**I crossed my arms, glaring at Jason. Who the HELL did he think he was? If anyone should have got in trouble for Suze-Simon-groping, it was ME and ONLY me. She was MY turf. Jason could go f - **_

_**'OKAY, STRAIGHT LINES, YOU PIECES OF CRAP. GET INTO YOUR LETTER GROUPS. M's in front of ME, N's over there and SO ON - '**_

_**Shit. Suze was an S. I was an S. So was Emily. That meant we'd end up in the same group. And I'd hear more of her pathetic apologies. **_

_**Aloofly, I made my way over there. Suze was looking at me sadly for a second, before determinedly turning away.**_

_**Hey - PINE a little LONGER PLEASE?**_

Paul came to stand in the S line, at the very back. He wasn't talking to me. Maybe he hadn't gotten my letter? Oh well, he probably had and was deciding to be immature about it. What did I care?

Yeah, I DIDN'T. Care factor zero. So what if I'd pissed him off a little? He totally deserved it.

He was acting all cocky and arrogant and . . . making me feel hot and stuff, and - he SO deserved to be put back in his place. I mean, there's only so much leaning I can take.

You know, leaning? Paul does that all the time. He like . . . leans. Over me. He makes my heart skip a beat, and suddenly I can't breathe, and the memories of the last time he kissed me flood in completely, and for one moment in time I'm frozen with heat and paralyzed with the lingering sensations of his lips on mine, and how much I hated it and how much I loved it, and how much I wanted him to do it again . . .

THEN I REMEMBER THAT I AM NOT AVAILABLE AND THAT PAUL IS A MAN-WHORE WHO HAS KISSED KELLY PRESCOTT AND - I mean, HOW am I supposed to even THINK about kissing someone who's swapped saliva with PRINCESS KELLY? I mean, I can't DO that. It's immoral and gross and . . . eww.

So I hate it when he leans. Because his eyes flash in that way that they did when he had me on his bed, beneath him. And it scares me. For a second, it makes me feel like, if he did kiss me again, I wouldn't have the strength or the willpower to resist.

For a single moment, I feel like that.

And that vulnerability is terrifying. Especially where Paul Slater is concerned.

_**Arrogantly, I took my spot in line and flashed a smile at Suze. Then, making it seem like it didn't matter to me at all, I turned towards her.**_

_**'Got your letter,' I informed her. 'Wanna know what I think of it?'**_

_**Suze appeared to be casually indifferent, or nonchalant, as she usually is where I'm concerned.**_

I blinked coolly. 'Oh?'

_**I leaned in closer to her, and felt her body shudder. Two guesses what she shuddered from, and let's just say fear was looking like the wrong guess.**_

_**'I think it's fucking bullshit,' I whispered. 'That's what I think. You don't have a sorry bone in your entire body.'**_

I looked up at him, tensing severely.

OKAY, DID HE CATCH A STRAY THOUGHT OR SOMETHING?

Jerking my eyes away from his lips, I stepped back. 'Screw you, then. I don't care,' I said. 'I actually WAS sorry. I didn't mean to- I mean, I don't like hurting y - you know what?' I snapped, 'Forget it. You're right. I'm not sorry.'

I turned away angrily, torn between hurt, fury and . . . well, that thing I always felt when he was that close to me. My breath shuddered slightly when I released it. Emily was putting her knuckle dusters on her other hand, and wasn't paying attention.

'SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU,' Miffy bellowed at the lot of us. I jumped a little, and Paul laughed at me. He'd seen. I tossed a glare back at him, and was slightly startled by the hateful look in his eye.

I'm sorry, but . . . it hurt a little.

Facing forward again, I saw that Miffy had grabbed a kid from the P's by his arm.

'OKAY,' Miffy instructed, 'Archery.' She shoved a bow at the guy. 'Stand up STRAIGHT, Pritchard,' she scowled, swatting his lower back with an arrow. He swore violently under his breath, jerked away, but stood up all the same. Emily rolled her eyes. 'I really, really hate that creature,' she said bitterly.

'First thing about archery is, you're NOT to try and attack people with these arrows. I know you're the scum of the earth - you wouldn't be here if you weren't, but if ANY of you attempt to hurt someone else, the isolation chamber will look like Barbie and Ken on a picnic.'

Um.

'You need to visualise a line,' she went on. 'Your shooting line. Take your arrow - ' she shoved it at Pritchard's hand, who scowled at her, 'and nock it in the center of your bowstring.'

WHAT DOES NOCK MEAN?

'Feet shoulder width apart, and put your left OR right foot 5-10 inches back . . . '

And on she went, making the Pritchard dude do whatever she was saying. He looked pretty freaked. She had another arrow in her hand and was whacking him on the back whenever he did something wrong.

'This isn't fair,' I said, horrified. 'This is like . . . slavery or something.'

'That,' Emily sighed, 'is Miffy.'

I noticed.

_**'If you have any questions concerning archery, ask me. If you have any questions relating to anything else, keep 'em to yourselves,' Miffy explained.**_

_**Wow. That speech brought a tear to my eye. Not.**_

_**Despite myself, maybe it was the rebellious air that seemed to be choking me, I clapped my hand in mock applause.**_

_**Miffy turned on her heels and glared at me. 'That's a warning, Slater,' she spat.**_

_**'Now, if that's all,' she continued, 'you may proceed. Bows are over in the right pile, arrows are at the various stations. Remember to have fun.'**_

_**She then walked off with the other counselors and I distinctly recall having seen her pull out a cigarette and light it up.**_

_**I grabbed a bow and headed to one of the vacant targets, ignoring the rage that was flowing through me. I didn't even know why I was so pissed at Suze.**_

_**All I knew was that somehow the target looked suspiciously like Suze's back.**_

_**And, hopefully, this arrow would stab her right in the middle of it. Just like she did to me.**_

Paul shoved in front of everyone, and went to one of the targets that was free. Me and Emily exchanged looks, before I rolled my eyes.

I began trying to NOCK my arrow, but I couldn't. I didn't know why. It kept falling off.

My God, I SUCKED at this.

'Emily,' I groaned, 'I can't - it keeps falling - '

'MARTNIK,' Emily yodeled, 'Get your ass over here!'

Jason, who'd just shot a PERFECT BULLSEYE - I kid you NOT - traipsed over happily after dropping his bow. 'Yerp?'

Emily nodded at me. 'Newbie's having trouble.'

I blushed a little. 'Um,' I said, 'The arrow keeps falling - '

He laughed. 'The bow string's way too loose. Here . . . ' he took it from me and tightened it.

I watched silently. When he was done, he handed it back to me.

I put the arrow against the string again -

'Suze, you're holding it upside down,' Jason snorted. 'Look, come here.'

I did so. Suddenly, I felt his arms go around mine, and he placed his hands over mine. 'Hold it there,' he commanded, pressing his fingers over mine.

_**My hand grasped to the string of the bow, I channeled every ounce of rage into making sure this arrow would hit that bulls eye. I remembered how she rejected me after we made-out in my room. I remembered how she rejected me when we first met. I remembered last night.**_

_**Steady . . . steady . . . **_

_**PHOINK!**_

_**My arrow ended up shooting up and way past the target because my concentration snapped.**_

_**Suze was giggling. And with a quick glance, I saw who was the stimulus to this disturbing response.**_

_**One word: Jason.**_

I did so, a little nervously. I mean . . . yeah, I was a little nervous. Jason Martnik had a dick, after all.

'Okay,' he breathed in my ear, 'Hold the string - no, not that finger, just these ones - like this . . . '

He showed me. I could feel his chest against my back. I smiled a little, secretively. Hehehe . . .

'What?' he asked, when a immature giggle escaped me.

'Nothing,' I said, 'Uh - your breath, it's . . . tickling my ear.'

He grinned at me. His face was really close to mine. I felt ever so slightly hot. Oh, golly.

I looked next to me, and saw that Emily was staring at me, her expression stony and blank. She quickly looked away when she saw me looking.

. . . Oh.

OH. Oh, crap.

Quickly, I let the arrow go, and it zoomed through the air expertly, landing JUUUUUUUUUST on the tip of the target. Oh well, I GOT THE BOARD, DIDN'T I?

. . . YEAH.

'Thanks,' I said quickly, moving away from Jason. I glanced at Emily, and saw that she's was peaking at the two of us discreetly. Jason looked a little put out. 'Oh . . . yeah, that's cool. So, you can do it now?'

I nodded quickly. 'Yeah, thank you.'

He saluted jokily, before, going back to the M's.

I bit my lip, and then picked up my bow again. Arrows were flying through the air, and kids were randomly doing victory dances when their arrows made the targets. Miffy was standing on the side of the S's, glaring at Paul, who was up the front, and was now shooting pretty much flawlessly.

Screw him. He thinks that I don't mean it when I say sorry . . . just because HE never does, doesn't mean that I don't when I say it.

I aimed my bow again -

'MOVE BACK SLATER, YOU'RE TOO FAR FORWARD,' Miffy snapped.

God, PICKING on him much?

He did so grudgingly, until he was standing next to me.

_**'So what was that back there?' I asked Suze casually. We were, after all, practically on top of each other because Miffy has this whole out to get me vibe going on. 'Didn't you hear Miffy say that if you were having trouble with this activity, you were to ask her?'**_

I glared at him. 'Shut up,' I snapped, 'I'm concentrating.'

_**'It's hard to concentrate when the object of your affection won't let you, isn't it?' I asked her, keeping my gaze and concentration on the target in front of me.**_

_**My heart in my throat, I asked nonchalantly, 'So what's the deal? You like him or something? That'd be quite a blow to de Silva, wouldn't you say?'**_

Angrily, I lowered my bow. 'I don't like anyone except Jesse. So IF anyone likes me, they'll be sadly disappointed, because I love Jesse. And I'm committed to him - '

_**I let the bowstring go and watched as the arrow whizzed through the air finally puncturing the target dead on.**_

_**'Let's make a bet,' I marveled, placing all of my equipment down on the ground. 'We'll bet on your next shot. If you make a bulls eye, you choose Jesse. If you miss, you choose me.'**_

_**I laughed at her stunned expression. 'I just figured since you can't seem to make up your mind, let's let fate do it.'**_

'No way,' I said. 'Let's NOT make a bet. Because, I just learned how to shoot one of these things. Or - lets make it if I GET the bulls eye, it's you, and if not, it's Jesse. God knows there's a hell of a lot more change that I like Jesse than YOU,' I said in disgust.

I added, 'No telling whether I'll actually TRY to get the bulls eye.'

_**I raised an eyebrow, 'Are you trying to tell me in your sick and twisted sense of sentiment that you choose me?'**_

'What?' I asked, bewildered. 'No. Why the hell would anyone choose you over Jesse?'

I tossed my hair.

_**'What? Are you scared, Simon?' I asked her, leaning against the arrow canister. 'Because to me, it sounds like you're doubting yourself. And that's not healthy. Where's that good sense of self-esteem we've come to know and love?'**_

I shook my head at him in awe. God, this guy amazed me. He was so . . . FULL of it. 'Okay . . . you are making a lot less sense than usual. Anyway, what's with you? I thought you were all with the hating of Suze Simon today, seeing as we've both established that I'm not sorry about what I said. At least, you don't believe I am.'

_**'I am still all with the hating of Suze Simon,' I told her. 'But we're like a married couple. Our relationship, I mean. We have our fights, but it still doesn't change the fact that I have feelings for you.'**_

_**I sighed and added, 'Will you just shoot the damn arrow?'**_

Something kind of violent went through me. This . . . feeling. It hurt, and felt wonderful at the same time. 'Fine,' I narrowed my eyes. 'If I get the bullseye, it's Jesse.'

Please, oh God, oh please . . .

I aimed.

Imagine a line . . . come on, Suze, DON'T screw this up . . .

He has feelings for me . . .

I poised myself to let go –

_**It was at about this time I heard some thundering laughter. At first I thought it was Emily because her laugh was so loud and quite obnoxious sometimes, but then I noticed Emily wasn't exactly smiling.**_

_**It was when I looked up that I realized that the laughing wasn't coming from Emily at all. It was coming from our very own CHF poltergeist.**_

_**In the light of day, I noticed that this dead chick was pretty hot. Well, for someone that lived during the 1700's. Not that I'd ever get involved with a ghost. Come on. Give me some credit.**_

_**'Susanna, you will go down in flames the way I went down. And when you die, I hope to see you in HELL!'**_

(A/N: No, we didn't misspell the name.)

What the - ?

_**At this point, I was ready for this chick to whip out some weird firey thing she had going on. Or even whip out the lethal saliva.**_

_**I was so transfixed by this ghost, I hadn't even noticed Jason turn away from what he was doing when this ghost spoke.**_

_**The moment those words exited her mouth, Suze let go of the arrow. Instead of going in a straight path, it took a deliberate left, defying all logic, and landed right in Miffy's ass.**_

_**Then, to make matters worse, as Miffy howled in pain, Ghost Chick just up and disappeared.**_

OH. MY. GOD . . .

THAT DID NOT JUST -

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' Miffy shrieked, sounding every bit the man she looked. She fell foreward on her knees, screeching, 'GET IT OUT OF ME!'

I should have. I mean - I shot it there. But I was too horrified. My hand was clapped over my mouth, and my eyes were so wide that they were full circles.

'Oh my God,' I squeaked.

_**You know how when something surreal happens everything seems to go very sloooowly? Well, it seemed that way now.**_

_**Urgently, I pulled Suze towards me and hissed, 'Suze, we have serious trouble. That arrow didn't shoot Miffy all on its own. It had a little help from our Camp Happy Face ghost.'**_

'Oh my God,' I repeated, not hearing Paul, staring at the howling, screeching, writhing Miffy on the grass. Suddenly, Miffy crawled around, her eyes on FIRE.

They locked on me.

'SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMON!' she roared.

_**I had to smirk. Ha-ha, this was one situation I was getting Scott-free –**_

'And YOU,' Miffy's eyes snapped to Paul, who blanched. She removed the arrow from her own hind cheek, through it on the floor ferociously, and stormed over before seizing me by the wrist, and Paul by the scruff of his shirt.

She was tearing up, and was almost frothing at the mouth in rage. 'YOU TWO ARE - '

'He didn't DO anything!' I protested, my voice high.

Miffy swelled up. 'SHUT UP, SIMON.'

Everyone had gone deadly silent. Then, Miffy began jerking us away from the archery field roughly. I almost tripped at one stage, but she only dragged my back up.

'Let GO of my wrist - ' I squealed. She was HURTING it!

GOD DAMN IT.

_**'She's actually telling the truth on this one,' I flipped, not able to believe that I was being blamed for something I didn't even do. Well, you attract more flies with honey than you do vinegar.**_

_**'You have to believe me, Miffy,' I said sweetly. 'Miffy. Is that some kind of nickname? I would imagine that a fine woman of your stature would have a much finer name behind the nickname.'**_

As she was dragging us through the forest, I looked down and guiltily saw a small spot of blood on her enormous rear. Her behind wobbled from side to side as she thundered through the folliage with us.

I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT PAUL WAS TRYING TO SUCK UP.

'SLATER, IF YOU DO NOT SHUT THE HELL UP, I - ' she halted, and saw a large building in front of her. Behind it, was the glittering lake.

'The pair of you are CLEANING out the shed,' she threatened madly. 'And if it is NOT SPOTLESS BY FOUR O'CLOCK, YOU WILL REALLY KNOW THE MEANING OF CORPORAL PUNISHMENT.'

_**I smiled for effect, 'Miffster-can I call you Miffster?-don't be so harsh on us. We only want to-'**_

_**'You're going to want to run away in a moment if you don't get your ugly mugs out of my sight! SPOTLESS. BY FOUR! AND FORGET ABOUT LUNCH.'**_

B-but . . . lunch . . . ?_**  
**_

_**And with that, she tossed us into the shed, and huffed away, rubbing her hindquarters every once in awhile.**_

_**'Bitch,' I muttered. 'Who're you callin' ugly?'**_

After she'd thrown us in the shed, and I'd tripped over an ore that was on the ground, I grumbled, and winced.

'She can't DO that,' I whimpered.

_**'Apparently she can, and she did,' I fumed, chucking a rock I had found at the shed in which we were to clean. It was a PIGSTY. There was shit EVERYWHERE.  
**_

_**'I didn't even DO anything this time. Absolute NOTHING,' I continued.**_

'I know,' I agreed reluctantly. 'I mean, neither did I - '

_**'Oh, no,' I interrupted, shaking my head furiously, and kicking at some more moss. 'It was YOUR arrow which ghost girl used to propel in Miffy's ass. Somehow, it's always your fault.'**_

_**I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands. 'Look,' I continued, 'I'll get the left side of this shed; you take the right. Keep your distance. I'm a little angry at the moment.'**_

Alarmed, I stood up. Then I got pissed.

'It was NOT my fault!' I scowled, stamping my foot in fury. 'And STOP being such a loser, God! I TRIED to get you out of it, okay? So DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME.'

_**'Believe me,' I snorted, beginning to move boating and fishing equipment away so I could reach the buckets they were hiding. I took hold of two and began walking down towards the lake to fill them up. 'If there was anyone else here, I would take my anger out on them, but seeing as how it's just the two of us, you'll have to do.'**_

I shot him a very dirty look. 'Fine,' I sniffed. 'Don't talk to me.'

I went to my side, and pulled out a hideous pile of nets. I started trying to pull them apart from each other. I kept getting tangled. I shoved the freshly folded nets into a pile. Two down . . . thirty something more to go.

Maybe I should dye my hair blue next time . . .

- 8 -

_**For what seemed like the last eight DAYS, Suze and I were busy cleaning out the supply shed. There seemed to be an endless suply of debris just cluttered everywhere.**_

_**And with the hot West Coast sun, let's just say our time at The Shed was no picnic in the park.**_

_**Earlier, I had taken my shirt off due to the heat, but when I found there were no sponges, I decided to use it as a handy wash rag to clean up the dust, dirt, condoms, etc. on the floor.**_

_**It was while I was scrubbing down one of the fishing nets that a thought had occurred to me.**_

**_'Hey,' I called over at Suze. We hadn't talked since our last debate. 'You missed.' _**

'What?' I snapped. I'd been drawn out of my mesmerizing, repetetive task of stacking the canoes. God knows how I managed that on my own.

I looked over at him angrily.

_**I smirked at her angered expression. God, she could hold onto a grudge. Sure, I was still pissed at her, but the situation at hand seemed too good to be true.**_

_**Just Suze and I. **_

_**In an abandoned shed. **_

_**Miles away from the rest of the camp.**_

_**Who could be angry about THAT?**_

_**'Your arrow,' I restated. 'When you shot your arrow, it missed the target.'**_

'Yeah,' I admitted sourly, shoving the canoe against the nine others a little more aggressively than necessary, 'But that was only because of . . . ghostly intervention. So it TOTALLY doesn't c . . . uhhh.'

I'd just caught sight of his chest.

Oh God, what a chest . . .

SUZE, LOOK AWAY, YOU CHEST-RAPIST.

I hurriedly grabbed another canoe and hoisted it up so it was vertical.

_**'You know what that means then?' I asked, letting my shirt slip from my hand. Dodging kayaks hanging from the ceiling, and fishing poles on the ground, I made my way over to where Suze was.**_

_**When she shook her head, I moved so I was only a few feet away from her. 'It means, doll, that you chose me.'**_

'Um,' I said dully - I HOPED it was dull - 'No, I didn't. And don't EVER call me "doll" again, please. And - ' PUT A SHIRT ON . . . NO, WAIT, DON'T - 'I already said, I'd never choose you over him. Ever.'

_**I laughed as I heard her stumble over her words nervously. This girl could go from hard-ass bitch to startled fawn in seconds. It intrigued me.**_

_**'Suzie,' I said sensually, gliding a finger down her arm. Instantly, goosebumps appeared. She shivered. I smiled in a sinister manner, 'it doesn't matter what you say, fate chose me . . . Doll.'**_

'Okay,' I spun around fiercely, freaking. It was happening again. WHY did this always have to HAPPEN when he touched me? WHY? 'I believe I JUST said not to - '

_**'And I believe,' I said darkly, grabbing both of Suze's wrists, and then jamming her against the wall, making sure the other parts of her wouldn't move by pressing my lower body into hers. I smiled at her, immensely enjoying the feel of her against me, 'That you also said you didn't choose me. Nothing you say can be figured for the truth.'**_

My stomach fell away completely, and my lips started shaking. I could feel his knee between my legs. This demonic little moan weaseled its way out of me, and my breath caught in my throat. 'Paul,' I said, 'Back away from the girl, please.'

Well, "said" is a bit optimistic for what I did. It didn't really sound like a voice, after all. More like this breathy, crappy sound, a result of him being WAY too close to me, screwing up all of my senses and rationality.

I could feel his chest against mine. And I'm sorry to say, it did not feel horrible.

Not at ALL.

_**'Why?' I asked, releasing one of her arms, and brushing her lips with my now free thumb. 'Is there something in your religion that doesn't allow feelings of arousal to occur inside?'**_

INSIDE WHAT? COZ _DANG_, THING'S WERE OCCURRING.

This feral, EVIL little gasp slid out of me, and my stomach flipped over and over when his thumb came into contact with my mouth. I jammed my eyes shut. Maybe it was his eyes . . . maybe if I didn't look at his icy, light, hypnotic eyes, I could withstand it better, and figure out how to process enough thought to plot a way to get away from him before something bad happened . . . 

But I still reckon it was the chest.

_**'Because if there is,' I spoke softly, allowing my hand to cup her face and then slowly graze its way down her neck, 'Don't worry.'**_

_**My lips touched hers only briefly. I had to build suspense, you know? It's not easy being a Sex God sometimes. Actually, it's not easy when you're turned on to the point that even a naked Miffy would have you go off the deep end.**_

_**I retracted my mouth, and whispered into her ear, 'What I have planned won't hurt. But you'll still be sinning, I guess, because it'll be pretty damn arousing.'**_

'Paul, stop it - '

_**And I swear to God, we were THAT close to kissing.**_

_**We were both in the mood too. Suze's breaths were coming out raspier and quicker, and my eyelids became heavy which usually makes me look like a crazed psycho when I'm filled with unbridled passion.**_

_**But right then and there, the two of us were flung across the shed to the other side.**_

_**I hit the wall pretty forcefully, as did Suze, and we both ended up on a pile on the floor; Suze on top.**_

Oh, GOD.

Someone really, REALLY hates me.

I mean, yes. I know that it is perfectly wrong to want to even THINK about kissing . . . HIM.

But he was just so - he had made me feel all . . . you know? And it was killing me, NOT kissing him when he was having such a deadly affect on me.

And then to NOT, to - to be INTERRUPTED LIKE THAT, was torture.

I landed heavily on him, panting still from the near-tongue endeavour that would have occurred seconds ago. Before you could say "hot 'n' heavy," I was scrambling off of him, flushed, humiliated and desperately wanting for him to be -

SUZE, PLEASE, DON'T _DO _THIS TO YOURSELF.

_**'What the hell?' I blurted, looking around the room at whoever the culprit was that interrupted our passion surge.**_

However, once again, someone hated me, because my foot was caught in one of my impeccably folded nets.

I crawled off of him so HE could get up, before trying to get my foot free. However, my hands were shaking from the sudden disappointment after such anticipation - I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS - and it wasn't really working out very well.

**_I gingerly grasped her entangled foot's ankle and yanked it out of the net._**

_**'Stay here,' I commanded, getting up slowly and heading towards the door. 'I'm gonna go outside and check what's up.'**_

'Um,' I murmured, not looking him in the eye. He rose to his feet, and went to the front of the shed. I tried to tame the horribly amazing, lingering womanly feelings. God, I am SUCH a skank.

_**'I'm betting ten to one that that little stunt was thanks to our new friend CHF the ghost,' I said not really paying attention to what I was doing, which was furiously attempting to open the door which just wouldn't open. 'I'm just gonna take a walk around the perimeter of the place and--why the HELL WON'T THIS DOOR OPEN?'**_

WHY WAS HE ACTING LIKE HE HAD NOT BEEN ABOUT TO KISS ME?

Was I the ONLY one who was still incredibly jittery because of that?

Suze, GET OVER IT.

_**I kicked at it in my frustration, and said to Suze, 'Great, looks like she locked us in here too.'**_

_**'What IS it with women and their damn grudges?' I roared, trying once again to open the door with, once again, no luck.**_

I stood up nervously, supporting myself on the beam that ran all the way around the wall. Brushing my hair back, I attempted to steal back dignity.

_**I swore loudly. You can't just STOP me from making-out with the Adonis of women, and then lock me in a stinking lake shed on top of that. It's not fair, let alone just.**_

After I'd got a grip on myself - in the LEAST disgusting way possible - I dared to move forward. 'Let me try,' I said quietly. I grabbed the handle for the door, and pushed down on it, hard.

No go.

I shoved against the door angrily, but only proceeded to hurt my shoulder.

'Damn it,' I sighed. 'This is . . . not cool. It's just the handle is jammed from moving down, I don't think it's locked. Maybe if we both try . . . ?'

I turned my head a little, and saw that Paul, who was RIGHT behind me - oh God help me and my wild hormones - nodded, before pressing down on the handle with both hands, his arms around me.

OKAY, THAT WAS ONLY A WHOLE LOT DISCTRACTING?

_**'On the count of three, we'll both push down, okay, Simon?' I asked, ignoring the scent of her hair that had my nerves doing back flips and front flips. God, if I just moved my head forward, I could have easily trailed a kiss down her neck...  
**_

'Mmm-hmm?' I said in petrified agreement. God, that CHEST was LEANING AGAINST ME. SUE ME IF I WAS RENDERED SLIGHTLY WORDLESS, OKAY?

_**'One. Two . . . three -'**_

_**On three, the two of us were once again thrown against the opposite wall when our hands came in contact with the handle. This time, I was on top. I preferred it that way.**_

OW?

_**I sighed, got off of Suze, and leaned against the wall closing my eyes. Okay, this was old.  
**_

_**'Wake me up when someone finds us, alright, Doll?'**_

Okay, maybe it was the pent up sexual frustration that was TOTALLY his fault, but I completely sucker punched him.

'DON'T CALL ME "DOLL," SLATER,' I snarled at him.

_**'OW!' I roared, nursing my throbbing stomach. 'What the hell is your problem, Simon? If you're pissed because we didn't get to making-out, well, join the freaking club, but don't take your sexual frustrations out on me, alright?'**_

I whirled away from him, positively SHAKING, I was so mad.

'SHUT UP,' I said furiously, because what he said had been one hundred percent true.

Things in the shed began shaking. I looked up nervously -

_**I rolled my eyes as a kayak broke from its chains and fell towards Suze. With the least amount of effort possible, I reached a hand out and yanked Suze to safety.**_

_**'You're becoming predictable,' I shouted to no one in particular.**_

**_'Look,' I said to Suze, 'I'll be over here sleeping. I'm done for the day. Keep yourself out of trouble, alright?' _**

_**Then, halfway back, I smirked and added, 'Doll.'**_


	6. Author's Note

**Well. I don't even know what I'm writing here . . .**

**Oh well, here goes nothing.**

It seems that Emily is leaving fanfiction. For good, apparently. This has become apparent by the three (and counting) author alerts I just got, containing her sincerest apologies about her departure. And whilst I understand this, it's just . . . REALLY upsetting.

Don't make her feel guilty. She's a really brilliant writer, and a completely beautiful person. You really have no idea how good a friend she's been to me. It's so weird, to think that some of my most favourite people in the world are people that I've never met in my life, but are people I feel I know so thoroughly. And seriously, I admire her for how committed she is to her studies. I wish I had that commitment.

But I guess that this also means the end (or in the very least, hiatus) of Camp Happy Face.

Maybe if we get chattin' again, we'll update it. I really don't know. It IS a roleplay story after all.

I have no idea what's going on. Whatever happens though, we wish Em all the best because she's provided us with the best bunch o' laughs, right?

And something that I really shouldn't be making public, but what the hell.

I, Lolly, have some major self esteem issues. Seriously. Not a week goes by where I don't cry. Sometimes I'm known to cry almost every day. It's disgusting. A lot of the time, I'm pretty unhappy with myself. Meh. Mood swings. We all have 'em.

But when I've been REALLY miserable, Em's been there. She's been there to get appropriately mad when I'm bashing myself again (not literally, haha.) And she's just . . . totally supportive. Seriously, she's a real gem.

Whatever.

**Emily, I love ya.**

**We all do.**

We'll miss Dyslexic Disturbances, 1800-Secrets, the almighty SW/Mediator Crossover, and just . . . you in general.

Hahaha – we'll miss the General in general.

Yeah, I'm so funny NOT.

Sigh . . . golly, Em. This was so SUDDEN.

Oh well. What did I want to say again?

Oh yeah:

Camp Happy Face is officially on hiatus, pending discussion.

Love,

Lolly, tearful.


End file.
